Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

BBVZFtw.img(1)
WELCOME to Monday January 27, 2019
 
 
Albert Einstein Quotes..
“If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?”
“The must incomprehensible thing about the universe is that it is comprehensible.”
“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”
Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value.
“Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.”
“You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.”
“The wireless telegraph is not difficult to understand. The ordinary telegraph is like a very long cat. You pull the tail in New York, and it meows in Los Angeles. The wireless is the same, only without the cat.”
“When asked how World War III would be fought, Einstein replied that he didn’t know. But he knew how World War IV would be fought: With sticks and stones!”
“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT’S RELATIVITY.”
“Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing.”
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.”

Hey I’m just saying! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!  

____________________________________________________________________
Quotes of the Day 
The chef at a family-run restaurant had broken her leg and came into our insurance office to file a disability claim. As I scanned the claim form, I did a double take. Under “Reason unable to work,” she wrote: “Can’t stand to cook.”
____________________________________________________________________
“Mattel is releasing a new “Teacher” Barbie next week. Apparently, it’s just like Malibu Barbie–only she can’t afford the Corvette.” -Stephanie Miller
____________________________________________________________________
“The baby is great. My wife and I have just started potty training. Which I think is important, because when we want to potty-train the baby we should set a good example.” –Howie Mandel
____________________________________________________________________
“Two new ax-throwing bars will open in Boston this year. Boston is getting a new bar where people can try ax-throwing. So far, all the customers give it one-and-a-half thumbs up.” -Jimmy Fallon
____________________________________________________________________
“A Florida man has been arrested for stealing a $1,500 dog from a pet store and trading it for crack. On the plus side, we finally have an answer to the question: How much is that doggie in the window?” -Seth Meyers
____________________________________________________________________
“Professional race car driver Danica Patrick is dating again, after breaking up with her previous boyfriend, a NASCAR driver. When asked why that relationship didn’t work out, Patrick explained, ‘We were just going in circles.'” -Conan O’Brien 😳
____________________________________________________________________
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
We had been up in the attic together doing some cleaning. The kids uncovered an old manual typewriter and asked, “Hey Mom…what’s this?” “Oh, that’s an old typewriter,” she answered, thinking that would satisfy their curiosity.  “Well what does it do?” they asked. “I’ll show you,” she said and returned with a blank piece of paper. She rolled the paper into the typewriter and began striking the keys, leaving black letters of print on the page.
“WOW!” they exclaimed, “that’s really cool…but how does it work like that? Where do you plug it in?”
“There is no plug,” she answered. “It doesn’t need a plug.”
“Then where do you put the batteries?” they persisted.
“It doesn’t need batteries either.” she continued.
“Wow! This is so cool!” they exclaimed. “Someone should have invented this a long time ago!”😱😳😁😎

 


____________________________________________________________________
 
 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
“If you kill him he will win.”

Answer:  Se7en!
It was near the end of the movie “Se7en” that retiring Detective Somerset (Morgan Freeman) says this quote to the newly-transferred Detective David Mills (Brad Pitt). The 1995 thriller pits them against serial killer John Doe (remarkably played by Kevin Spacey). The killer plans murders which correspond to the seven deadly sins: gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, pride, lust and envy (although not in that order): e.g., a prostitute is the victim and ‘lust’ is the sin; a young model is disfigured and commits suicide with ‘pride’ as the sin. Doe kills Mills’ wife out of ‘envy’ and to get Mills to kill him (‘wrath’), which is where Somerset utters the line to Mills.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Get busy living or get busy dying”
 
____________________________________________________________________ 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is….​
In each group below, the three words end in the same three letters, so they look like they should rhyme, but they don’t. See if you can figure out the missing letters in each group.

Example: plo___, tho___, to___ would be plough, though, tough.
1. c___, forw___, rew___
2. cr___, p___, sk___
3. b___, d___, g___
Answer:  1. card, forward, reward
2. crier, pier, skier

3. bone, done, gone 

 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is…….
On a rainy night, five gnomish characters huddled on stools at the bar of Rumplestiltskin’s Place and told their sad tales. Each had once had the good fortune to come across a beautiful maiden who was desperate to complete a different formidable task to win a king’s hand in marriage. Each gnome agreed to help, but only in exchange for the maiden’s first born child. Although the women hastily agreed, when the time came to pay their dues, they naturally resisted. Each gnome offered one final bargain. If the maiden could guess his name, she could keep her new born baby. Since each gnome had a rather odd name, he felt safe in offering the maiden a different number of guesses. Each was therefore horrified when he returned to the woman only to hear her promptly and calmly reciting his name! From the information provided, can you determine the name of the gnome who helped each woman and the task she had to complete, as well as the number of guesses each woman was given?

Gnomes: Arklesblatt, Dinkleberry, Haycocklebloo, Sneedermon, Zizzyrimple
Women: Bianca, Diana, Ione, Katrina, Valerie
Task: Crush rocks into diamonds, Roll roses into rubies, Spin flax into silver, Stir broth into myrrh, Stomp string into silk.
# of Guesses: 2, 3, 4, 5, 6
1. The woman who needed to spin flax into silver (who isn’t Diana) didn’t negotiate with Haycocklebloo. Dinkleberry didn’t give a queen either two or three guesses.
2. Queen Katrina was given fewer guesses than the woman helped by Sneedermon (who didn’t get either four or six guesses) but more chances than the lady Zizzyrimple assisted.
3. Valerie promised the king that she could roll roses into rubies. Neither Arklesblatt nor Haycocklebloo helped either Valerie or Diana. With Zizzyrimple’s assistance, Ione won the king’s hand in marriage.
4. The woman who was given six guesses (who isn’t the one Dinkleberry helped) isn’t the one who vowed she could stir broth into myrrh.

5. Bianca (who wasn’t required to spin flax into silver) is neither the woman Haycocklebloo helped nor the one who was trying to crush rocks into diamonds. Diana wasn’t granted four guesses.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

 

Posted In

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s