Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Happy Tuesday January 28, 2019
 
OLD BEEKEEPERS never die, they just buzz off
OLD BIKERS never die, but they’re hard on tires
OLD BIOLOGISTS never die, they just ferment away
OLD BLONDES never fade, they just dye away
OLD BOOKKEEPERS never die, they just lose their figures
OLD BOOKS never die, they just go out-of-print
OLD BOWLERS never die, they just end up in the gutter
OLD BRAKES never die, they just grind down
OLD BRIDGE PLAYERS never die, they just lose their finesse
OLD BRIDGE PLAYERS never die, they just sit around on their fat aces
OLD BUDGETS never die, they are fillibustered
OLD BUREAUCRATS never die, they just waste away
OLD BURGLARS never die, they just steal away

OLD BUSINESSES never die, they just get consolidated

Hey I’m just saying! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a Happy Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!  

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Quotes of the Day 
 
Robert Schmidt 101………..

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, “Do you want white cake or chocolate cake?” I said, “Yes”.
I saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat. So I looked closer. It was made of grass.
My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I’m good, she’ll give me the other one next year.
I eat Swiss cheese from the inside out. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.
I had amnesia once or twice.
I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar.
I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.

I got a chain letter by FAX. It’s very simple. You just FAX a dollar bill to everybody on the list.

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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
Shakey went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, 
I think there’s somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there’s somebody on top of it. 
Top, under, top, under. “you gotta help me, I’m going crazy!” “Just put yourself in my hands
 for two years,” said the shrink. “Come to me three times a week, and I’ll cure your fears.”  
“How much do you charge?”  “A hundred dollars per visit.” “I’ll sleep on it,” said Shakey. 
Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. “Why didn’t you ever come to see 
me again?” asked the psychiatrist.  “For a hundred buck’s a visit? A bartender cured me 
for ten dollars.” “Is that so! How?” “He told me to cut the legs off the bed!”  😳  
 
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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
“Get busy living or get busy dying”

Answer:  “Shawshank Redemption”
llis Boyd ‘Red’ Reddington (played by Morgan Freeman) is the one who says “Get busy living or get busy dying” to inmate Andy Dufresne in the wonderful 1994 prison drama “The Shawshank Redemption”. The movie was adapted from the Stephen King novella “Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption”. Tim Robbins plays Dufresne, a banker who is found guilty of the murder of his wife and her lover, and he is the only one who knows he is innocent. He is sent to a tough prison in rural Maine and how he develops a deep friendship with Red, and survives and escapes from Shawshank, is both captivating and uplifting.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Wax on, wax off”
 
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Monday’s Quizzler is….​
On a rainy night, five gnomish characters huddled on stools at the bar of Rumplestiltskin’s Place and told their sad tales. Each had once had the good fortune to come across a beautiful maiden who was desperate to complete a different formidable task to win a king’s hand in marriage. Each gnome agreed to help, but only in exchange for the maiden’s first born child. Although the women hastily agreed, when the time came to pay their dues, they naturally resisted. Each gnome offered one final bargain. If the maiden could guess his name, she could keep her new born baby. Since each gnome had a rather odd name, he felt safe in offering the maiden a different number of guesses. Each was therefore horrified when he returned to the woman only to hear her promptly and calmly reciting his name! From the information provided, can you determine the name of the gnome who helped each woman and the task she had to complete, as well as the number of guesses each woman was given?

Gnomes: Arklesblatt, Dinkleberry, Haycocklebloo, Sneedermon, Zizzyrimple
Women: Bianca, Diana, Ione, Katrina, Valerie
Task: Crush rocks into diamonds, Roll roses into rubies, Spin flax into silver, Stir broth into myrrh, Stomp string into silk.
# of Guesses: 2, 3, 4, 5, 6
1. The woman who needed to spin flax into silver (who isn’t Diana) didn’t negotiate with Haycocklebloo. Dinkleberry didn’t give a queen either two or three guesses.
2. Queen Katrina was given fewer guesses than the woman helped by Sneedermon (who didn’t get either four or six guesses) but more chances than the lady Zizzyrimple assisted.
3. Valerie promised the king that she could roll roses into rubies. Neither Arklesblatt nor Haycocklebloo helped either Valerie or Diana. With Zizzyrimple’s assistance, Ione won the king’s hand in marriage.
4. The woman who was given six guesses (who isn’t the one Dinkleberry helped) isn’t the one who vowed she could stir broth into myrrh.
5. Bianca (who wasn’t required to spin flax into silver) is neither the woman Haycocklebloo helped nor the one who was trying to crush rocks into diamonds. Diana wasn’t granted four guesses.

Answer:  Arklesblatt, Bianca, stomp string into silk, 6

Dinkleberry, Valerie, roll roses into rubies, 4
Haycocklebloo, Katrina, stir broth into myrrh, 3
Sneedermon, Diana, crush rocks into diamonds, 5

Zizzyrimple, Ione, spin flax into silver, 2 

 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
My rings tell such a story

Of years past with gracious glory
Where I live is where I stay
From that spot I cannot stray
From my home man taketh me
So they can erect another home, you see
Many others bore into my sides
These things that crawl and things that glide
I weep with beauty or stand with grace
Every year I shed myself to nourish my place

What am I?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

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