Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Wednesday January 29, 2019
 
Funny Analogies…….
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck
that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter
from I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound
a dog makes just before it throws up.
It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.
The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.
He felt like he was being hunted down like a dog, in a place that hunts dogs, I suppose.
The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.
You know how in “Rocky” he prepares for the fight by punching sides of raw beef? Well,
yesterday it was as cold as that meat locker he was in.
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if
she were a garbage truck backing up.
Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any PH cleanser.
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature beef.
She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal paper fax
machine that needed a band tightened.
A branch fell from the tree like a trunk falling off an elephant.
The painting was very Escher-like, as if Escher had painted an
exact copy of an Escher painting.
They were as good friends as the people on “Friends.”
He was as bald as one of the Three Stooges, either Curly or Larry,
you know, the one who goes woo woo woo.
The sardines were packed as tight as the coach section of a 747.
Her eyes were shining like two marbles that someone dropped in mucus and
then held up to catch the light.
The sunset displayed rich, spectacular hues like a .jpeg file at 20 percent cyan,
10 percent magenta, 60 percent yellow and 10 percent black.

Hey I’m just saying! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!  

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Quotes of the Day 
 
“It takes time to raise about 25 children. I know, I have two myself. Thats plenty. Mine are twins, though. Both of them. They’re awfully cute. I can’t think of their names. They don’t come when I call them anyway.” –Victor Borge 

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After playing 18 holes of golf, our foursome was sitting around the clubhouse settling our bets when another golfer stormed in. Fuming after a lousy round, he slammed down his scorecard and announced, “If I wasn’t married, I’d give this stupid game up!”
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“For those who may not know this: When the preacher says, & You may now kiss the bride,  he’s only speaking to the groom.” – David Gunter
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“A 74-year-old man just became the oldest father in Britain after his wife had a baby boy. They even named the baby after him:”Grandpa” -Jimmy Fallon   
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
During a conference, I was pleasantly surprised to be seated next to a very
handsome man. We flirted casually through dinner, then grew restless as the
dignitaries gave speeches. During one particularly long-winded lecture, my new friend
drew a # sign on a cocktail napkin. Excited, I wrote down my phone number.
Looking startled for a moment, he flipped the napkin over and drew another # sign,
this time adding an X to the upper-left-hand corner. 😳
 
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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
 “Wax on, wax off”

Answer:  The Karate Kid!
Daniel and his mother move from New Jersey to California where the dark-haired, Italian boy who ‘tawks funny’ does not fit in with the blonde surfer crowd. He starts being bullied by some kids from a karate school and, after one particularly bad fight, he starts to pass out when an old handyman leaps in. Miyagi, who also happens to be a martial arts master, agrees to teach Daniel karate but has him painting fences and waxing his car (hence the quote). While Daniel doesn’t see how this is helping, he finally understands that these chores were strengthening his ‘karate muscles’ making it easier to learn. Ralph Macchio and Pat Morita star in “The Karate Kid” from 1984.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Dead or alive you’re coming with me.”
 
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Tuesday’s Quizzler is….​
My rings tell such a story

Of years past with gracious glory
Where I live is where I stay
From that spot I cannot stray
From my home man taketh me
So they can erect another home, you see
Many others bore into my sides
These things that crawl and things that glide
I weep with beauty or stand with grace
Every year I shed myself to nourish my place
What am I?

Answer: I am a tree. My rings are produced every year, just one, and how large it is tells a story of how that particular year was. Where I grow is where I stay, as I cannot pick up and move. Men cut me down to make their own homes, and creatures such as birds and squirrels live in me. When I shed my leaves they put nutrients into the ground which keep it fertile.  

 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….
Answer the clues with a pair of rhyming words.

(plump feline = fat cat)
1. unadorned necklace
2. happy fellow
3. old story
4. dim enamel
5. timid gnat
6. colorless shellfish

7. big boat

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

 

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