WELCOME to Friday January 31, 2019
The Washington Post had a contest wherein participants were asked to tell the younger generation how much harder they had it “in the old days.” Winners, runners-up, and honorable mentions are listed below.
Second Runner-Up: In my day, we couldn’t afford shoes, so we went barefoot. In winter,
we had to wrap our feet with barbed wire for traction.
First Runner-Up: In my day, we didn’t have MTV or in-line skates, or any of that stuff. No, it was 45s and regular old metal-wheeled roller skates, and the 45s always skipped, so to get them to play right you’d weigh the needle down with something like quarters, which we never had because our allowances were way too small, so we’d use our skate keys instead and end up forgetting they were taped to the record player arm so that we couldn’t adjust our skates, which didn’t really matter because those crummy metal wheels would kill you if you hit a pebble anyway, and in those days roads had real pebbles on them, not like today.
And the winner: In my day, we didn’t have rocks. We had to go down to the
creek and wash our clothes by beating them with our heads.
Honorable Mentions:
In my day, we didn’t have fancy health-food restaurants. Every day we ate lots of easily recognizable animal parts, along with potatoes.
In my day, we didn’t have hand-held calculators. We had to do addition on our fingers.
To subtract, we had to have some fingers amputated.
In my day, we didn’t get that disembodied, slightly ticked-off voice saying ‘Doors closing.’ We got on the train, the doors closed, and if your hand was sticking out, it scraped along the tunnel all the way to the next station and it was a bloody stump at the end. But the base fare was only a dollar.
In my day, we didn’t have water. We had to smash together our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms.
Kids today think the world revolves around them. In my day, the sun revolved around the world, and the world was perched on the back of a giant tortoise.
Back in my day, ’60 Minutes’ wasn’t just a bunch of gray-haired, liberal 80-year-old guys. It was a bunch of gray-haired, liberal 60-year-old guys.
Back in my day, they hadn’t invented electricity. We had to watch television by candlelight.
Hey I’m just saying! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Super Bowl weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day
“Exciting news from the Norwegian University of Science and Technology. The Norwegians released a study today that says
having a sense of humor can help people live longer. In other words, if you don’t laugh at this monologue tonight, you’re
going to die.” -Jimmy Kimmel
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“Here’s some good news – a woman in Milwaukee gave birth to a 13 pound 12 ounce baby girl last week. Thirteen pound 12 ounces. Doctors say the baby will be walking before the mother.” –Jay Leno
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“What’s the first thing a little girl wants when she gets a new bike? A basket–she’s prepared to shop. What’s the first thing a boy wants on his bike? A bell or horn–he’s prepared for traffic. “What’s the first toy a little girl wants? A doll–she’s
prepared to shop with friends. What’s the first toy a little boy wants? A gun–he’s prepared for traffic.” –Jason Chase
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
One of my friends works in the customer service call center of a national pager company. He deals with the usual complaints regarding poor pager operation, as well as the occasional crank caller demanding to be paged less often, more often, or by more interesting people.
The best call came from a man who repeatedly complained that he keeps being paged by “Lucille.” He was instructed that he would have to call her and tell her to stop paging him.
“She don’t never leave no number, so I can’t call her back,” he said.
After three such calls, someone thought to ask how he knew it was Lucille if she didn’t leave a number.
“She leaves her name,” was the reply.
After establishing that the customer had a numerically pager, the light bulb came on.
“How does she spell her name?” the service rep asked.
“L-O-W C-E-L-L” 😱😳😁😎
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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”
” Who is Keyser Soze?”
Answer: “The Usual Suspects”
This line comes from “The Usual Suspects” (1995) which has so many twists and turns that even if you think you understand, you don’t. It starts off when five criminals are arrested in New York and randomly get together for a police lineup. Because they are innocent they decide to pay back the police by actually committing a crime, but when things blow up, the name Keyser Soze is brought up, with Verbal Kint (Kevin Spacey) asking the question, “Who is Keyser Soze?” when he is describing the possibility of the existence of evil. Verbal Kint also utters one of the best quotes ever: “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist.”.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“With great power comes great responsibilty.”
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Thursday’s Quizzler is….
A rich man’s son was kidnapped. The ransom note told him to bring a valuable diamond to a phone booth in the middle of a public park. Plainclothes police officers surrounded the park, intending to follow the criminal or his messenger. The rich man arrived at the phone booth and followed instructions but the police were powerless to prevent the diamond from leaving the park and reaching the crafty villain. What did he do?
Answer: This is a true story from Taiwan. When the rich man reached the phone booth he found a carrier pigeon in a cage. It had a message attached telling the man to put the diamond in a small bag which was around the pigeon’s neck and to release the bird.
When the man did this the police were powerless to follow the bird as it returned across the city to its owner.
Friday’s Quizzler is…….
In each sentence below, two words are incomplete. The two words end in the same three letters, so they look like they should rhyme, but they don’t. See if you can figure out the missing letters in each sentence.
Example: One symptom of bronchitis is a ro___ co___. (The two words are: rough & cough.)
Example: One symptom of bronchitis is a ro___ co___. (The two words are: rough & cough.)
1. A pig farmer’s job could be called p___ w___.
2. A dog injury could be called a ho___ wo___.
3. For racing, a mixed ho___ is wo___ than a thoroughbred.
4. I he___ your be___ has been shaved into a goatee.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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