Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Tuesday February 4, 2020
A Mother’s dictionary…….
Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.
Defense: What you’d better have around de yard if you’re going to let the children play outside.
Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster
Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.
Full name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.
Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.
Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
Look out: What it’s too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.
Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.
Prepared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.
Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.
Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can’t quite reach anything.
Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.
Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
Two-minute warning: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
Verbal: Able to whine in words

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house. Hey I’m just saying!

Hey I’m just saying! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a Happy Tuesday
people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
Quotes of the Day 
A child of five would understand this. Send
someone to fetch a child of five. Groucho Marx

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves
you more than you love yourself. Josh Billings
A friend doesn’t go on a diet because
you are fat. Erma Bombeck
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can
always depend on the support of Paul. George Bernard Shaw
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with
the meter running. Groucho Marx
A James Cagney love scene is one
where he lets the other guy live. Bob Hope
A judge is a law student who marks his
own examination papers. H. L. Mencken

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not

me, I’m afraid of widths. Steven Wright
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came
over the intercom: “Will the students who are parked on University
Drive please move their cars so that we may being plowing.” Twenty
minutes later there was another announcement: “Will the nine
hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class.”😳😁😎
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
 “shaken and not stirred”

Answer:  Dr. No!

If you guessed the 1962 movie “Dr. No”, the first movie of the series, you are quite correct! This is where the villain, Dr. Julius No, asks Bond if he wants a martini. With his fancy cars, gadgets and women, James Bond turned the whole spy genre into what we think of today, and the franchise is still alive and well, many decades later. The plot? It was pretty much always the same; some evil, megalomaniacal mastermind in some beautiful setting planning to destroy some well-guarded fortress along with Bond and his ‘woman du jour’…but these thrillers have given the viewing public some of its most iconic moments.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
‘Three tomatoes are walking down the street – a poppa tomato, a momma tomato, and a little baby tomato. Baby tomato starts lagging behind. Poppa tomato gets angry, goes over to the baby tomato, and smooshes him…and says, catch up.’
Monday’s Quizzler is….​
Female kangaroos carry their young (joeys) in a pouch. Likewise, kangaroo words contain another

 word (a joey) within themselves. A joey word is a synonym of the kangaroo word, and the letters must be in the same order.
Example: “rapscallion” contains the word “rascal”: RApSCALlion
See if you can find the joey words in these kangaroo words:
1. because
2. astound
3. municipality
4. charisma
5. damsel
See if you can find two joey words in this kangaroo word:

6. masculine

Answer:  1. as (becAuSe)

2. stun (aSToUNd)
3. city (muniCIpaliTY)
4. charm (CHARisMa)
5. dame (DAMsEl)

6. male / man (MAscuLinE / MAsculiNe)  

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
Yes! Five bands are coming to town within one week, and Georgia, Rachel, Jason, Carlos, and Lara are jumping for joy! Each one is a diehard fan of either Juanes, The Rolling Stones, U2, Green Day, or Coldplay. Figure out who likes which band, when each band performed, how long each concert was, and which souvenir each fan walked away with.

1) The 5 fans are Rachel, the Green Day fan, the Rolling Stones fan, the girl who spent 2 hours at a concert, and the one who left with a CD.
2) Georgia was so excited about Coldplay, she got in line at 6:00 Friday and waited 3 hours with all the other fans for the concert to begin. The concert ended at 11:00.
3) Lara’s U2 CD collection got a little bit bigger after the concert on Sunday.
4) Jason did not spend 3.5 hours in a concert. The concert on Saturday was not 4 hours long, and the concert on Wednesday did not sell sweatshirts (which were not bought by Rachel).
5) Tuesday’s concert was 2.5 hours long.
6) Green Day performed on Saturday, but Juanes did not perform on Wednesday.
7) The Rolling Stones fan bought the T-shirt.
8) Someone bought music videos after the 3-hour concert.
9) Lara was so hyper after the 3.5-hour concert, she couldn’t sleep.

10) Jason didn’t like any T-shirt designs, so he didn’t buy any.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

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