Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Wednesday February 5, 2020
 
REDEFINING WORDS…
Abdicate – v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 😁
Carcinoma – n. A valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.
Esplanade – v., to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Negligent – adj., describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly
answer the door in your nightie.
Lymph – v. To walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle – n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Bustard – n., a very rude Metrobus driver.
Coffee – n., a person who is coughed upon.
Flatulence – n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are runover by a steamroller.
Balderdash – n., a rapidly receding hairline.
Semantics – n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as
gluing the pages of the priest’s prayer book together just before vespers.
Oyster – n., a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
Hey I’m just saying! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a wonderful  Wednesday
people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day 
 
“A woman from Washington is suing American Airlines for $5 million after they lost her luggage. When the airline said that’s a ridiculous amount of money for luggage, she was like, ‘Now you know how we feel.'” -Jimmy Fallon

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“Economists say that a college degree may not be necessary to succeed in life. I didn’t have a degree and here I am. Seriously, kids, go to college.” -Craig Ferguson
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 “They say that kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray, which is a good thing to remember the next time you get lonely.” -Fred Stoller 

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“Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.” –Dennis Wholey
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
An influential Londoner wound up a business trip to the Orient with a visit to Taipei. At a luncheon he was asked to say a few words. Since he spoke not a word of Chinese, his address was to be translated by an interpreter sentence by sentence. “I want you to know,” he began, “I’m tickled to death to be asked here today.” A look of panicked confusion appeared on the interpreter’s face. “This poor man,” he said in Chinese, “Scratches himself until he dies, only to be with you today.” 😳
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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
‘Three tomatoes are walking down the street – a poppa tomato, a momma tomato, and a little baby tomato. Baby tomato starts lagging behind. Poppa tomato gets angry, goes over to the baby tomato, and smooshes him…and says, catch up.’

Answer:   Pulp Fiction!

Mia (Uma Thurman) explained to Vincent (John Travolta) that she was going to be in a TV series called ‘Fox Force Five’. In each show, she would tell a joke. This joke was from the pilot. Mia delayed telling Vincent the joke all night because he’d laugh (or not) but she finally told him after he saved her life when she overdosed. ‘Pulp Fiction’ was released in 1994.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
‘I know what you’re thinkin’. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I’ve kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question.
 
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Tuesday’s Quizzler is….​
Yes! Five bands are coming to town within one week, and Georgia, Rachel, Jason, Carlos, and Lara are jumping for joy! Each one is a diehard fan of either Juanes, The Rolling Stones, U2, Green Day, or Coldplay. Figure out who likes which band, when each band performed, how long each concert was, and which souvenir each fan walked away with.

1) The 5 fans are Rachel, the Green Day fan, the Rolling Stones fan, the girl who spent 2 hours at a concert, and the one who left with a CD.
2) Georgia was so excited about Coldplay, she got in line at 6:00 Friday and waited 3 hours with all the other fans for the concert to begin. The concert ended at 11:00.
3) Lara’s U2 CD collection got a little bit bigger after the concert on Sunday.
4) Jason did not spend 3.5 hours in a concert. The concert on Saturday was not 4 hours long, and the concert on Wednesday did not sell sweatshirts (which were not bought by Rachel).
5) Tuesday’s concert was 2.5 hours long.
6) Green Day performed on Saturday, but Juanes did not perform on Wednesday.
7) The Rolling Stones fan bought the T-shirt.
8) Someone bought music videos after the 3-hour concert.
9) Lara was so hyper after the 3.5-hour concert, she couldn’t sleep.
10) Jason didn’t like any T-shirt designs, so he didn’t buy any.

Answer:  Georgia-Coldplay-Friday-2 hours-Sweatshirt

Rachel-Juanes-Tuesday-2.5 hours-Photo
Jason-Green Day-Saturday-3 hours-Music Video
Carlos-Rolling Stones-Wednesday-4 hours-T-shirt

Lara-U2-Sunday-3.5 hours-CD 

 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….
Following are 6 words that have the same two letters repeated at some point. Those two letters have been removed, replaced by two sets of asterisks. Can you figure out which two letters to use in each word? You use the same two letters within each word, but use a different set of letters for each word.

1. **chorm**
2. **joym**t
3. **iqu**te
4. **ip**ape
5. **s**cere
6. **p**zard
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com
 
 

 

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