WELCOME to Friday February 7, 2020
WOMAN’S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK……….
Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman
because the house was spotless.
Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.
Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers.
What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
If they can put a man on the moon – they should be able to put them all there.
Tell him you’re not his type – you have a pulse.
Never let your man’s mind wander – its too little to be left out alone.
Go for younger men. You might as well – they never mature anyway.
Never marry a man for money. You’ll have to earn every penny.
Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity
to make some woman miserable.
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.
If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him check books.
Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him
jokes, it means you laugh at his.
When he asks you if he’s your first tell him, “You may be, you look familiar.”
Hey I’m just saying! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend
people and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day
“In Florida, a 7-year-old boy was arrested for punching his teacher. A 7-year-old
boy–or as they call that in Florida, a prodigy.” -Conan O’Brien
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“A matador in Spain is under investigation after a video surfaced of him bullfighting
while holding his 5-month-old baby girl in his arms. But to be fair,
it was Take Your Daughter to Work Day.” -Seth Meyers
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The homework assignment for my Spanish class was to write a paragraph. When I returned their papers, I asked one student if he had used Google Translate or any other online translator to write his paper. He categorically denied doing so.
That led to my next question, “Then why is this paper in French?” 😳
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“Scientists are saying that the triceratops may never have existed. Next will
be the brontosaurus and the stegosaurus and the next thing you know,
my pajamas are covered in lies.” -Craig Ferguson
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“Towns in New Jersey have started using a device to give people
advanced warning of lightning. It’s called ‘thunder.'”
-Jimmy Fallon
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the men walked in the
office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.” The clerk asked, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?” The man said, “I’ll go check,” and went back to the truck. He returned and said, “Yeah, I meant two-by-four.” The clerk said, “All right. How long do you need them?” The customer paused for a minute and said, “I’d better go check.”
After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, “A long time. We’re gonna build a house.” 😱😳😁😎
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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”
‘Every one of you listening to my voice, tell the world. Tell this to everybody, wherever they are. Watch the skies, everywhere, keep looking. Keep watching the skies.’
Answer: The Thing From Another World!
At the end of this 1951 movie, once the alien had finally been killed, a reporter, Ned ‘Scotty’ Scott (Douglas Spencer), said these lines while reporting from an Arctic research station. The Thing, a creature that had been frozen in the ice, was played by James Arness, who starred in ‘Gunsmoke’, a TV series that ran for twenty years.
This movie was remade in 1982 and titled ‘The Thing’. It starred Kurt Russell and the movie was changed to the point that at the end the research station had burned to the ground and there never was a Scotty.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
‘I’m walking here! I’m walking here!’
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Thursday’s Quizzler is….
Two boys were sent by their mothers to sell an equal amount of cupcakes each, worth one dollar per cupcake. They were told not to eat the cupcakes they are selling, and that they should sell all of the cupcakes. At the end of the day, all cupcakes were sold, yet neither boy gained nor lost a dollar.
What happened?
Answer: Each boy became hungry after a while. One boy decided to buy a cupcake from the other boy, paying him one dollar. The other boy also decided to buy a cupcake from the first boy, paying him one dollar, too. And so it continued until all the cupcakes were sold, and both boys came home full and happy. I can’t say the same for the moms, though.
Friday’s Quizzler is…….
Each pair of definitions is for two words, where the second word is the first word with an extra letter
added somewhere (example: band & brand). The length of the short word in each pair is provided.
1) a female relative & to challenge in a mocking manner (4 letters)
2) the point where two edges meet & a person who investigates the causes of deaths (6 letters)
3) a person of low social or cultural status & a long-tailed game bird (7 letters)
4) nimble or agile & a jet of fine vapor, as from an atomizer (4 letters)
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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