Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Friday February 14, 2020
 
MURPHY’S LAWS ON WORK………..
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.😳
Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you
are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.
When the bosses talk about improving productivity,
they are never talking about themselves.
There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car
when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.
Keep your boss’s boss off your boss’s back. This is what I’m doing wrong.
Everything can be filed under “miscellaneous.”
Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing.
Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for
everything that goes wrong – until the next person quits or is fired.
There is never enough time to do it right the first time,
but there is always enough time to do it over.
The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization. (For instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T …).
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are
really good, you will get out of it.
You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
People are always available for work in the past tense.
If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the
number of pens that person is carrying.
When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.

When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by

 reducing it to the question, “How would the Lone Ranger handle this?”
Hey I’m just saying! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget
to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
________________________________________________________________________
Quotes of the Day 
 
“I was up to page 300 typing my autobiography, when I tripped over
the manuscript, fell on the dog and spilled whiskey all

over the pages. But that’s just the story of my life.” –Jerry L. Embry
________________________________________________________________________
“I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to
someone who will leave them alone.” –Elayne Boosler
________________________________________________________________________
“There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball,
and that is to have either a clear conscience

or none at all.” –Ogden Nash

________________________________________________________________________
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
‘Writing: For the Sell of It’ was the theme of our community college’s annual
writers’ conference. When I called a widely published author and asked him
to be our keynote speaker, my request was met with a long silence. He finally said,
“I don’t know what I would say to that audience.””You’re just being modest,”
I replied. “I’m sure you’re extremely qualified to speak on that subject.” He
suddenly broke into laughter. “I thought you said, ‘Writing for the Celibate!’ 😱😁😎
________________________________________________________________________
 
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
‘Look, you fools. You’re in danger. Can’t you see? They’re after you. They’re after all of us.

Our wives, our children, everyone. They’re here already. You’re next!’
Answer:  Invasion Of The Body Snatchers!

This quote was from the 1956 version that starred Kevin McCarthy. The basic story has been told many times but the old one is great.

One by one, people started acting strange, very subdued and not affected by much of anything. McCarthy and his girlfriend (Dana Wynter) figured out that when people fell asleep, a huge pod started to grow and soon resembled the sleeping person. If a person slept long enough, the human died and the pod became that person. Wynter fell asleep and woke to warn others about McCarthy. He ran into traffic, screamed the lines above and tried to hitch a ride on a truck. As he lifted the canvas cover to climb in, he saw that the truck was full of pods.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
‘I wonder how such a degenerated person ever reached a position of authority in the Army Medical Corps.’ ‘He was drafted.’
 
________________________________________________________________________
Thursday’s Quizzler is….​
A young woman in a restaurant was approached by a tearful old lady who said, “You look so like my own daughter who passed away last year. Could you do me a favor and say ‘Good-bye, Mother’ when I leave?”

The young woman happily agreed and said, “Good-bye, Mother” when the old lady left. Later she got a shock. What was it?

Answer:  The young woman was presented with the bill for the old lady’s meal. 
The lady had assured the waiter, “My daughter will pay.”😱😳
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is…….
Martha, Joanna, Kelley, Patricia, and Suzanne are five busy mothers who barely have time to sit down and eat. One Christmas, they each decided to make (or bake) their son a gift. Can you figure out the full name of each mother, their profession, their son’s name, and the gift sent by each?

1. The five mothers are Mrs. Baker, Ben’s mom, Joanna, the doctor, and the one who made mittens.
2. Justin Glen loved the cupcakes baked by his mother, the doctor.
3. The scarf was made by the editor, while the mittens were made by the programmer.
4. Kelley Austen is the lawyer.
5. The 5 sons are Kyle, the boy for whom the apple pie was baked, Todd Haney, the editor’s son, and Martha Glen’s son.

6. Patricia Haney is a programmer, but Joanna is not the editor.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

 

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