Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

2019-08-28 06.19.11
WELCOME to Monday February 17, 2020
 
Rules of Life……….. 
1. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and
 it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn’t, use the tape.

2. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship:
     “I apologize” and “You are right.”
3. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
4. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It’s
    easier to eat crow while it’s still warm.
5. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was,
    “Go! You might meet somebody!”
6. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her. . . believe them.
7. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, ‘Will this matter one year from
    now? How about one month? One week? One day?’
8. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
9. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
10. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad
      or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.
11. Work is good, but it’s not that important.

12. And finally… Be really nice to your friends and family. You never know

     when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.
Hey I’m just saying! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget
to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day 
 
In the game of life, it’s a good idea to have a few early losses,
which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season.

Bill Vaughan
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Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets.
Why should other planets be any different from this one?
Bob Monkhouse
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Life is wasted on the living.
Douglas Adams
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Life… is like a grapefruit. It’s orange and squishy, and has a few pips
in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.
Douglas Adams
______________________________________________________________________
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
Woody Allen
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Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering –
and it’s all over much too soon.
Woody Allen
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Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.
Woody Allen
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Life is a zoo in a jungle.
Peter De Vries
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter

asked, “When did you bag him?” The host said proudly, “That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.”

“What’s he stuffed with,” asked the visiting hunter. “My ex-wife.” replied the hunter. 😱

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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
‘I wonder how such a degenerated person ever reached a position of authority in the Army Medical Corps.’ ‘He was drafted.’

Answer:  MASH!

Major Margaret ‘Hot Lips’ O’Houlihan (Sally Kellerman) was talking about Captain Benjamin Franklin ‘Hawkeye’ Pierce (Donald Sutherland) and asked the question in the quote above of Father Francis Mulcahy (Rene Auberjonois). She was the butt of several jokes throughout the movie and was usually mad at Hawkeye and Trapper John – Captain John McIntyre (Elliott Gould).
If you got this question wrong or have never seen ‘MASH’, please rent the movie. It is a modern classic with one great quote after another. It was released in 1970, directed by Robert Altman, and in addition to those above, also starred Tom Skerritt, Robert Duvall, and Gary Burghoff.

It was the day to day story of a Mobile Army Surgical Hospital and sparked a TV series of the same name that ran for eleven years.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
‘I throw the ball to who. Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don’t Know. I Don’t Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play.’
 
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Friday’s Quizzler is….​
Martha, Joanna, Kelley, Patricia, and Suzanne are five busy mothers who barely have time to sit down and eat. One Christmas, they each decided to make (or bake) their son a gift. Can you figure out the full name of each mother, their profession, their son’s name, and the gift sent by each?

1. The five mothers are Mrs. Baker, Ben’s mom, Joanna, the doctor, and the one who made mittens.
2. Justin Glen loved the cupcakes baked by his mother, the doctor.
3. The scarf was made by the editor, while the mittens were made by the programmer.
4. Kelley Austen is the lawyer.
5. The 5 sons are Kyle, the boy for whom the apple pie was baked, Todd Haney, the editor’s son, and Martha Glen’s son.

6. Patricia Haney is a programmer, but Joanna is not the editor.

Answer:  Martha Glen-Doctor-Justin-cupcakes

Joanna Robinson-Teacher-Kyle-sweater
Kelley Austen-Lawyer-Ben-apple pie
Patricia Haney-Programmer-Todd-mittens

Suzanne Baker-Editor-Cody-scarf 

 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is…….
Unscramble these five word jumbles and use the instructions given next to them to form the name of a country which is a jumble of those letters.

1. KERWC. Take the 1st and 2nd letter.
2. LZEA. Take the 1st, 2nd and the 4th letter.
3. KURNT. Take the 1st and the 4th letter.
4. IASB. Take the 2nd and 3rd letter.

5. SUKD. Take the 1st and 3rd letter.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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