Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday February 18, 2020
 
Thoughts and stories from on the job……..
My boss came in one morning and caught me hugging my secretary. He said in a rage,
“Is this what you get paid for ?” I told him, “Nope ! I do this for free.”
This same boss was into all this dumb inspirational and motivation stuff too. I remember
once he posted a sign which read “Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.”
I couldn’t resist and added a note: “And now you know why too”.
Once I came upon this pretty new temp standing in front of the paper shredder with a
confused look on her face. I asked if she needed any help and she said, “Yeah, how does
this thing work ?” I took the papers from her hand and demonstrated how to work the shredder. She stood there a moment with yet another confused expression, so I said, “Any questions ?” She said, “Yeah, exactly where do the copies come out from ?”
People always say that hard work never killed anybody. Oh yeah ???
When’s the last time ya ever heard of anyone who “rested to death”.
Being punctual in our Office was of no benefit what-so-ever.
There was never anybody around to appreciate it.
Our Office was always on the cutting edge of technology. Not only did we have
computers which spoke as well as listened; Hell, some of them even got ulcers.
Did ya ever notice the people who complain the most about not having enough time
to do all their work are the same ones who always stop & tell everyone that they
don’t have enuff time to do all their work.
Hey I’m just saying! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
Happy Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget
to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day 
 
 Jay Leno Quotes:

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C.
This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.
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Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So
overweight people are now average. Which means you’ve met your New Year’s resolution.
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McDonalds announced it’s considering a more humane way of slaughtering its animals.
You know they fatten them up and then kill them. You know the same thing they do to their customers, isn’t it?
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A Minneapolis company has come out with a credit card size shotgun that fits in your wallet. The inventor says he invented it to give people a sense of security. Oh yeah, what makes you feel more secure than sitting on shotgun? Now how does this work? What’s the first thing a thief steals? Your wallet, oh, now he’s got your gun too!
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A New York company has made a video game that re-enacts John Kerry’s war career. Players pretend they’re Kerry, on a swift boat in Vietnam. Wasn’t there already some game based on John Kerry’s life? Oh, yeah, “Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?”
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.  Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest.  “Oh, I really don’t care or mind,” said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.”😱😳😎
 
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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
‘I throw the ball to who. Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don’t Know. I Don’t Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play.’

Answer:  Abbott and Costello!

I’ve ended with a classic called ‘Who’s On First’ by the unforgettable comic duo of Bud Abbott and Lou Costello. This skit was from the 1945 movie ‘The Naughty Nineties’. Abbott was performing in a baseball uniform on a riverboat stage during the gay 90s. Costello was pretending to sell peanuts to the audience and interrupted Abbott. The entire skit ran about six minutes in length.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“No! No! No! It’s not supposed to happen this way! I’m supposed to go first. I’ve always been ready to go first! I-I don’t think I can take this”?
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Monday’s Quizzler is….​
Unscramble these five word jumbles and use the instructions given next to them to form the name of a country which is a jumble of those letters.

1. KERWC. Take the 1st and 2nd letter.
2. LZEA. Take the 1st, 2nd and the 4th letter.
3. KURNT. Take the 1st and the 4th letter.
4. IASB. Take the 2nd and 3rd letter.

5. SUKD. Take the 1st and 3rd letter.

Answer:  1. Wreck.

2. Zeal.
3. Trunk.
4. Bias.
5. Dusk.
The letters taken from the above words using the instructions form WRZELTNAIDS.
Switzerland is the country which can be formed from the jumble.
For much of the 20th century, Switzerland was the wealthiest country in Europe by a considerable margin.
 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
What one three-letter word can be placed in the blanks below to make four different words?

___less
___ure
___orse
___ing
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

 

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