Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Friday February 28, 2020
NEW SEMESTER CLASSES! University courses for men and women. Whatsamatta University’s Seminars For Men Fall Catalog. Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to 
help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following classes is required.
1. Combating Stupidity
2. You Too Can Do Housework
3. Resistance to Beer
4. How To Properly Fill An Ice Tray
5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underwear For Christmas (Give Us Credit Cards)
6. Understanding The Female Response To Coming Home Drunk At 4:00 am
7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (also called “Don’t Wash My Silks”)
9. Get A Life – Learn To Cook
10. How Not To Act Like An Idiot When You Are Obviously Wrong
11. Spelling – Even You Can Get It Right
12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
13. You, The Weaker Sex
14. Reasons To Give Flowers
15. Garbage – Getting It To The Curb
16. You Cannot Always Wear Whatever You Please
17. How To Put Down A Toilet Seat
18. Give Me A Break – Why We Know Your Excuses Are Lies
19. How To Go Shopping With Your Mate Without Getting Lost
20. The Remote Control – Overcoming Your Dependency
21. Helpful Posture Hints For Couch Potatoes
22. Mother-in-Laws Are People Too
23. The Weekend And Sports Are Not Synonymous
24. How Not To Act Younger Than Your Children
25. You Too Can Be A Designated Driver
26. Male Bonding: Leave Your Friends At Home
27. Attainable Goal – Omitting Foul Expletives From Vocabulary

28. You Don’t Really Need That Porsche

Hey I’m just saying! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
Great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget
to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day 
 
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something
that brought tears to my eyes. He said, “No hablo ingles.”

___________________________________________________________
Everyone has photographic memory;
some just don’t have the film.
___________________________________________________________
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have
had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet,
make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
___________________________________________________________
There are worse things in life than death. Have you
ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
___________________________________________________________
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get
 all nervous and give the wrong answers.
___________________________________________________________
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll
be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates

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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter explains that its not so easy to get in heaven. There are some criteria before entry is allowed. For example, was the man religious in life? Attend church? No? St. Peter told him that’s bad. Was he generous? give money to the poor? Charities? No? St. Peter told him that that too was bad.  Did he do any good deeds? Help his neighbor? Anything? No? St. Peter was becoming concerned. Exasperated, Peter says, “Look, everybody does something nice sometime. Work with me, I’m trying to help. Now think!”  The man says, “There was this old lady. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by  a dozen Hell’s Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her. I got  so mad I threw my bags down, fought through the crowd, and got her purse back. I then helped her to her feet.  I then went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face”.  “Wow”, said Peter, “That’s impressive. When did this happen”?  “Oh, about 10 minutes ago”, replied the man. 😱😳
 
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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
“We will not go quietly into the night!” We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day”.
Answer:  Independence Day!
Bill Pullman as President Thomas Whitmore. When Thomas Whitmore gave the speech in the hangar to the men and women, “Today we celebrate our Independence Day” was added at the last moment. The hangar used for the speech used to be the home place of the Enola Gay, the airplane that dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“And last week I saw Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal, and I talked her out of buying this truly heinous angora sweater.
Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed.”
TODAY’S MOVIE DIVA OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MISS KIM HILLYARD! INCREDIBLE SOLVING JOB KIM! 👍👍👍👍👍
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Thursday’s Quizzler is….​
Solve the two riddles. The answers should be anagrams of each other.

(Thing 1)
You use me when you want to cook
For friends or family.
But, whether written down or not,
It’s best you stick to me.
(Thing 2)
I like to think that I’m a skill,
Not just some old technique.
People do me to their ears,
Or nose, or tongue, or cheek.

Answer:   Thing 1 is a RECIPE.

Thing 2 is PIERCE.
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is…….
Starting with a one-letter word, add a letter and rearrange the letters to produce the next word. A clue is given for each.

Maybe your car can do 0 to 60 in 10 seconds, but can you do 0 to 10 in 60 seconds? Get out the stopwatch! This one is a little easier than the previous ones …
The hint gives the starting letters of the even numbered words.
1. Roman one
2. Ratio of ‘circumference : diameter’ for circles
3. Edible homonym of #2
4. Long poem or film about heroic deeds
5. ‘There’s a _____ on his head’ (a reward)
6. Give the main points of a story
7. Contents of Cordon Bleu book
8. Money taken in from sales
9. Likely to cause the most unpleasant sensations of fear
10. Particular, belonging separately to each
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

 

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