Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday March 2, 2020
Whatsamatta University’s Seminars For Women Fall Catalog….
Once again, the male staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for women of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required.
1. Combating The Impulse To Nag
2. You Can Change The Oil Too
4. How To Properly Fill A Beer Mug
5. We Do Not Want Ties For Christmas
6. Understanding The Female Causes Of Male Drunkenness
7. How To Do All Your Laundry In One Load And Have More Time To Watch Football
8. Parenting – Your Husband Gave You Children So You Could Have Someone Other Than Him To Boss Around
9. How To Encourage Your Husband To Cook More And Be Able To Stomach His Slop
10. How Not To Sob Like A Sponge When Your Husband Is Right
11. Get A Life – Learn To Kill Spiders Yourself
12. Balancing A Checkbook – Even You Can Get It Right
13. Comprehending Credit Card Spending Limits And Financial Responsibility
14. You, Learning to live without Whining…
15. Shopping – Doing It In Less Than 16 Hours
16. If You Want To Know How That Looks On You, Ask Your Mother
17. How To Close The Garage Door
18. If You Don’t Want An Excuse, Don’t Demand An Explanation
19. How To Go Fishing With Your Mate And Not Catch Pneumonia
20. Living Without Power Windows – How To Turn A Crank
21. Romanticism – The Whole Point Of Caviar, Candles, And Conversation
22. How To Retain Your Composure While Your Husband Is Relaxing By Himself
23. Why You Don’t Need To Invite Your Mother Over Every Weekend
24. Payday And Shopping Are Not Synonymous
25. How To Act Younger Than Your Mother
26. You Too Can Carry A Backpack
27. Female Friendship – Why Your Best Friends Are Not The Women Who Complain About You The Most
28. Learning To Appreciate The Beer Belly
29. Attainable Goal – Catching A Ball Before It Stops Moving
30. How To Close The Top On The Toothpaste
Hey I’m just saying! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
Great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget
to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day 
 
“A new study from the University of Sussex found that horses can recognize human
emotions based on our facial expressions. Yet another reason you should never play
poker with a horse — and they never pitch in for the pizza.” -Stephen Colbert

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“Starbucks is going to start carrying coconut milk. If you want to stay competitive in
the coffee business you’ve got to consistently provide your customers with new ways
to make their orders more annoying.” -Jimmy Kimmel
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“Researchers say much of Florida could be underwater by the end of the century. On
the bright side, they say it could happen much sooner.” -Conan O’Brien

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“In technology news, the organization that oversees emoji’s has changed the lobster emoji after people in Maine complained that it didn’t have the correct number of legs! When they heard about this, lobsters were like “Thanks for fixing the emoji but while you’re at it, can you stop boiling us?'” -James Corden
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“A new study found that our happiness peaks in our late 80s. Mainly because all the
people who annoyed you are dead by then.” -Jimmy Fallon
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“A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25 shortens your life
by 22 minutes. That doesn’t sound too bad to me. You’d probably watch TV with
that 22 minutes anyway.” -Jimmy Kimmel
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
The district attorney was cross-examining the murderess on the witness stand.

“And so after you had poisoned the coffee and your husband sat at the breakfast table partaking of the fatal dosage, didn’t you feel any qualms? Didn’t you feel the slightest pity for him knowing that he was about to die and was wholly unconscious of it?”
“Yes,” she answered. “Come to think of it…there was just a moment when I sort of felt sorry for him.”
“And, when was that?”
“When he asked for the second cup.” 😱😳
 
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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
 “And last week I saw Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal, and I talked her out of buying this truly heinous angora sweater. Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed.”
Answer:  Legally Blonde!

“Legally Blonde” is the story of Elle Woods, a sorority queen played by Reese Witherspoon, whose main interests lie in fashion. When her boyfriend dumps her for a classmate of his from Harvard Law School, Elle quits her fashion merchandising program to follow her beau to Harvard. First ridiculed by the others for her seeming air-headedness and naivete, she manages to win their respect by successfully defending a tough case during her internship and the movie ends with her being elected as class speaker and graduating with top honors. The quote in the question was said by Elle while introducing herself on the first day of class.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“I’ve never had a Red Bull before, but I had a Red Bull last night. I really like Red Bull”
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Friday’s Quizzler is….​
Starting with a one-letter word, add a letter and rearrange the letters to produce the next word. A clue is given for each.

Maybe your car can do 0 to 60 in 10 seconds, but can you do 0 to 10 in 60 seconds? Get out the stopwatch! This one is a little easier than the previous ones …
The hint gives the starting letters of the even numbered words.
1. Roman one
2. Ratio of ‘circumference : diameter’ for circles
3. Edible homonym of #2
4. Long poem or film about heroic deeds
5. ‘There’s a _____ on his head’ (a reward)
6. Give the main points of a story
7. Contents of Cordon Bleu book
8. Money taken in from sales
9. Likely to cause the most unpleasant sensations of fear

10. Particular, belonging separately to each

Answer:   1. I

2. Pi
3. Pie
4. Epic
5. Price
6. Precis
7. Recipes
8. Receipts
9. Creepiest

10. Respective 

 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is…….
There are three brothers: Al, Ben, and Carl. Two of the three brothers are boxers.
Here are some facts:

1. The shorter of Al and Ben is the older boxer.
2. The younger of Ben and Carl is the shorter boxer.
3. The taller of Al and Carl is the younger boxer.

Which brother is not a boxer?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

 

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