WELCOME to Tuesday March 3, 2020
Eleven Things a Guy Learned From Action Movies……
1. No matter what my problem is, it’s the fault of someone other than myself, and the
appropriate response is to find that person and kill him with my bare hands.
2. To be truly attractive, a woman must wear high heels and an outfit so tight you
can tell whether she’s cold or not from across the room.
3. There are two kinds of women in the world: The type that want to go to have relations with you, and the type want to kill you. Both types are physically attractive and under 25 years old.
4. If I rudely argue with my boss in front of my co-workers, not only won’t
he fire me, but he will gain a profound respect for me.
5. If I can find an important enough mission, it will supersede my obligations
to perform household chores, bathe, and call the next day.
6. If I go without bathing, swear a lot, and treat women badly, they will adore me.
7. If a woman tries to clean a bullet wound and I curse in pain, she will fall in love with me.
8. Anyone who isn’t a cop, mercenary soldier, and/or private investigator is weak and strange.
9. If I have a prolonged fist-fight with another guy and neither of us dies, we will become best friends.
10. My arch-enemy will bear an uncanny resemblance in age and bearing to my father, and he will make it clear that he has gained a deep respect for me before I kill him with my bare hands.
11. When I shoot people, they will die quickly and cleanly, and I will never be arrested or troubled by their widowed wife and children. When people shoot me, however, I will at most receive a ‘flesh wound,’ which will be tended to by a beautiful woman.
Hey I’m just saying! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
Happy Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget
to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day
“What’s another word for thesaurus?” – Steven Wright.
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“Only one man ever understood me,
and he didn’t understand me.” – G.W. Hegel (philosopher)
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“Only one thing is impossible for God: To find
any sense in any copyright law on the planet.” Mark Twain. –
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“Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set
a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.” – Terry Pratchett.
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“Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.” – Ambrose Bierce
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“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” – Groucho Marx.
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“I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” – Les Dawson.
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“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet,
what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?” – Steven Wright.
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“I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde.
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, “Sometimes I catch
myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator,
and I can’t remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich.” The
second lady chimed in with, “Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs
and can’t remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down.” The third one
responded, ” Well, ladies, I’m glad I don’t have that problem. Knock on wood,” as she
rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said, “That must be the door, I’ll get it!” 😱😳
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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”
“I’ve never had a Red Bull before, but I had a Red Bull last night. I really like Red Bull”
Answer: “Yes Man”
In “Yes Man”, Carrey’s character is a stuck-in-the mud executive who finds himself accepting a dare to say “yes” to everything for a year, with hilarious consequences. When he has “Red Bull” for the first time, he goes totally berserk on the caffeine in the energy drink, and then crashes after uttering this quote. Funny movie!
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“I think it pisses God off when you walk by the color purple in a field and don’t notice it.”
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Monday’s Quizzler is….
There are three brothers: Al, Ben, and Carl. Two of the three brothers are boxers.
Here are some facts:
1. The shorter of Al and Ben is the older boxer.
2. The younger of Ben and Carl is the shorter boxer.
3. The taller of Al and Carl is the younger boxer.
Which brother is not a boxer?
Answer: Carl is not a boxer.
From fact 1, we know that Carl is not the older boxer.
From fact 3, we know that Ben is not the younger boxer.
We now have three possible scenarios:
1. Al is the younger boxer and Ben is the older boxer.
2. Ben is the older boxer and Carl is the younger boxer.
3. Al is the older boxer and Carl is the younger boxer.
If scenario 1 is true, fact 1 tells us that Ben is shorter than Al.
If scenario 2 is true, fact 1 tells us that Ben is shorter than Al; fact 3 tells us that Carl is taller than Al, making Ben shorter than Carl.
If scenario 3 is true, fact 3 tells us that Carl is taller than Al.
We can now expand our three scenarios:
1. Al is the younger, taller boxer, and Ben is the older, shorter boxer.
2. Ben is the older, shorter boxer, and Carl is the younger, taller boxer.
3. Al is the older, shorter boxer, and Carl is the younger, taller boxer.
Scenario 2 cannot be possible because it contradicts fact 2 by making the younger of Ben and Carl the taller boxer.
Fact 2 also tells us that Al is not the shorter boxer, so scenario 3 cannot be possible, either.
Therefore, scenario 1 is true, which means that Carl is not a boxer.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
Each group of words below is a commonly known phrase. Try to guess what that phrase is.
1.The total entity of substances which exhibit a reflection of light particles in awesome
profusion are not necessarily composed of a soft, yellow metallic substance.
2. A couple offers possibility of camaraderie, while trebly aggregates often have the appearances of a multitude.
3. A member of the class of Aves that energizes rapidly from a state of nocturnal hibernation
is able to seize by force or stratagem the lumbrious terristris.
4. Homo sapiens who inhabit abodes composed of pellucid substances containing
silicon materials should be prudent of casting hard cobbles.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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