WELCOME to Thursday March 5, 2020
Laws of Household Physics………..
Ever notice that the laws of household physics are every bit as real as every other law in the universe? Here are a few examples:
1. A child’s eagerness to assist in any project varies in inverse proportion to the ability to actually do the work involved.
2. Leftovers always expand to fill all available containers plus one.
3. A newly washed window gathers dirt at double the speed of an unwashed window.
4. The availability of a ballpoint pen is inversely proportional to how badly it is needed.
5. The same clutter that will fill a one-car garage will fill a two-car garage.
6. Three children plus two cookies equals a fight.
7. The potential for disaster is in direct proportion to the number of TV remote controls divided by the number of viewers.
8. The number of doors left open varies inversely with the outdoor temperature.
9. The capacity of any hot water heater is equal to one and one-half sibling showers.
10. What goes up must come down, except for bubble gum, kites and slightly used Rice Krispies.
11. Place two children in a room full of toys and they will both want to play with the same toy.
Hey I’m just saying! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget
to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day
“I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman
with a tattoo, and I’m thinking, okay, here’s a gal who’s
willing to make a decision she’ll regret in the future.”
–Richard Jeni
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“We should have a way of telling people they have bad breath.
‘Well, I’m bored…let’s go brush our teeth.’ Or, ‘I’ve got
to make a phone call, hold this gum in your mouth.'”
–Brad Stine 😁
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“I can’t seem to bring myself to say, ‘Well, I guess I’ll
be toddling along.’ It isn’t that I can’t toddle. It’s
that I can’t guess I’ll toddle.” –Robert Benchley
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The first marriage is the triumph of imagination over
intelligence. The second marriage is the triumph of hope
over experience. The third marriage is the triumph of
stupidity.
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One of the most successful inventors of all time was the man
who invented the hay-bailing machine. Needless to say, he
made a bundle. 😳😁
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle
of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped
in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal
lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful he began to cry. A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. “I feel terrible,” he explained. “I accidently hit this rabbit and killed it.” The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit. Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. 50 feet away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two again, hopped down the road another 50 feet, turned, waved, and hopped another 50 feet. The man was astonished. He couldn’t figure out what substance could be in the woman’s spray can! He ran over to the woman and demanded,
” What was in your spray can? What did you spray onto that rabbit?” The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label.
It said: “‘Hare Spray’ Restores Life to Dead Hare. Adds Permanent Wave.”😱😳😁😎
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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”
“Scut Farkus! What a rotten name! We were trapped. There he stood, between us and the alley. Scut Farkus staring out at us with
his yellow eyes. He had yellow eyes! So, help me, God! Yellow eyes!”
Answer: “A Christmas Story”
There are many colorful references in this beloved Christmas movie about a man recalling the holidays he’d had as a ten-year-old boy in the 1940s, and all of the strange and idiosyncratic things that happened to him and his family that holiday season. The quote in this question was said by Ralphie, the protagonist, when he was recalling a run in with neighborhood bully.
Perhaps the most famous colorful quote from this movie is the one about the gift that Ralphie wanted more than anything, “an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“I was born a poor black child”
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Wednesday’s Quizzler is….
A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have their initial sounds switched to form new words. The pairs need only sound the same, not necessarily be spelled the same (power saw & sour paw, horse cart & coarse heart). There may sometimes be one or two connecting words (kick the stone & stick the cone, king of the rats & ring of the cats). Given the following definitions, what are the spoonerisms?
1) canine fur & porcine challenge
2) rock toss & to pack up royal furniture
3) arsonist’s desire & to battle a fibber
4) underground amphibian & bar rules
Answer: 1) dog hair & hog dare
2) throw a stone & stow a throne
3) light a fire & fight a liar
4) cavern toad & tavern code
Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
Jenny’s aunt recently passed away. In her will it said that there was a treasure for Jenny, if she could figure out the directions. Jenny’s aunt was a great scholar and she loved a good teaser. In the directions she wrote:
To find the treasure that I have left you, you just have to follow some instructions that I have for you. please do exactly everything that I tell you to and you will find the trasure. It will be wrapped tightly in a small packagge ready for you. I trust you, because I know that you are very intelliggent and you will find it for sure. Even if you don’t find it, I know that you would have at least tryed. I know that its really hard for you to figure thiss letter out, but do try. The pakage will be waiting for you there. You have been wonderful person to be vith. So, keep trying and you will find that treasure!
Sincerly,
Your Aunt
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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