Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Friday March 6, 2020
Miscellaneous terms……..
ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOUR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MYTH: A female moth.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW: One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.

Hey I’m just saying! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget
to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
_______________________________________________________
Quotes of the Day 
 
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people.

So overweight people are now average. Which means you’ve met your New Year’s resolution.
_______________________________________________________
McDonalds announced it’s considering a more humane way of slaughtering
its animals. You know they fatten them up and then kill them. You know the
same thing they do to their customers, isn’t it?
_______________________________________________________
A Minneapolis company has come out with a credit card size shotgun that fits
in your wallet. The inventor says he invented it to give people a sense of security.
Oh yeah, what makes you feel more secure than sitting on shotgun? Now how does
this work? What’s the first thing a thief steals? Your wallet, oh, now he’s got your gun too!
_______________________________________________________
According to the L.A. Times, Attorney General John Ashcroft wants to take “a harder stance” on the death penalty. What’s a harder stance on the death penalty? We’re already killing the guy? How do you take a harder stance on the death penalty? What, are you going to tickle him first? Give him itching powder? Put a thumbtack on the electric chair.
_______________________________________________________
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask,

“Why do we have to learn this pointless information” “To save lives.” the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. “So how does physics save lives?” he persisted. “It keeps the ignoramuses
like you out of medical school,” replied the professor.😳😁😎
 
 
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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
 “I was born a poor black child”
Answer: The Jerk!

In “The Jerk”, Steve Martin played an inept and clutzy white boy who was adopted by an African-American family, and he never understood why he didn’t quite fit in. The quote is one of the first lines in the movie. The other colorful movie title answers were also Martin movies, except for “The Purple Rose of Cairo”, a Woody Allen movie starring Jeff Daniels and Mia Farrow.
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Can’t make the scene if you don’t have the green”
_______________________________________________________ 
Thursday’s Quizzler is….​
Jenny’s aunt recently passed away. In her will it said that there was a treasure for Jenny, if she could figure out the directions. Jenny’s aunt was a great scholar and she loved a good teaser. In the directions she wrote:

To find the treasure that I have left you, you just have to follow some instructions that I have for you. please do exactly everything that I tell you to and you will find the trasure. It will be wrapped tightly in a small packagge ready for you. I trust you, because I know that you are very intelliggent and you will find it for sure. Even if you don’t find it, I know that you would have at least tryed. I know that its really hard for you to figure thiss letter out, but do try. The pakage will be waiting for you there. You have been wonderful person to be vith. So, keep trying and you will find that treasure!
Sincerly,
Your Aunt

Answer: The treasure was in a place called Peggy’s Cave. Jenny’s aunt, as mentioned before was a great scholar, so she wouldn’t have made all those mistakes in her writing. All the spelling and grammatical mistakes put together will spell Peggy’s Cave.

…for you. please… (P)
…find the trasure… (e)
…a small packagge… (g)
…very intelliggent… (g)
…at least tryed… (y)
…that its really… (‘)
…thiss…(s)
…The pakage will… (C)
…been wonderful person… (a)
…to be vith… (v)

…Sincerly… (e)

 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is…….
The angry chief of police did roar,

“Who robbed the bank out of you four?”
When Al was asked, he said right then,
“The thief was Ben! The thief was Ben!”
Ben said to the policin’ man,
“The thief was Dan! The thief was Dan!”
When Carl was questioned, he exclaimed,
“I’m not the one who should be blamed!”
When Dan was questioned, he replied,
“When Ben said it was me, he lied!”
If three of four suspects speak true,
And one speaks false, then who oh who?
And what if only one was frank?

But most of all, who robbed the bank?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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