Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday March 9, 2020
24 SIMPLE TRUTHS………..

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.😳
3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.😁
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest & Google Maps really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.😎
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after BluRay? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.
13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page
technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.😱
14. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.👍
15. I think all freezers deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.😁
17. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet
everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
24. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their

brain is also important. 😳

Hey I’m just saying! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget 
to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day 
 
“I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.”

– Mark Twain
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“Everything that I understand, I understand only because I love.”
– Leo Tolstoy
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“I envy people who drink. At least they have something to
blame everything on.” – Oscar Levant        
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Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

Don Marquis
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Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.
Ronald Reagan
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Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic, and so am I.
Oscar Levant 😁
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman
runs up to him, and yells, “Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing
 to show you!” The golfer, annoyed, says, “What is it?” “It’s a special golf ball,” says
 the salesman. “You can never lose it!” “Whattaya mean,” scoffs the golfer, “you can
 never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?” “No problem,” says the salesman.
“It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it.” “Well, what if you
hit it into the woods?” “Easy,” says the salesman. “It emits a beeping sound, and you
 can find it with your eyes closed.” “Okay,” says the golfer, impressed. “But what if your
 round goes late and it gets dark?” “No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark!
I’m telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!” The golfer buys it at once.
“Just one question,” he says to the salesman. “Where did you get it?” “I found it.” 😱😳😁😎
 
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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
“Can’t make the scene if you don’t have the green”
Answer: The Mask!

The quote is indeed from “The Mask”, the story of mild-mannered Stanley Ipkiss who transforms into a suave devil-may-care Casanova when he dons a bright green mask that fuses to his skin. The line in question is said by Carrey’s character when he robs a bank to get money to finance his expensive night life! Carrey also plays greenish characters in two of the movies mentioned in the incorrect possibilities: “The Grinch”, in which he plays the title role, and “Batman Forever”, in which he plays the Riddler. Only in “The Mask” do other characters also don the mask and turn green, however, so it is the one that best fits the description. Plus, the quote is from “The Mask”!
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
 “You take the blue pill — the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill — you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes”
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Friday’s Quizzler is….​
The angry chief of police did roar,

“Who robbed the bank out of you four?”
When Al was asked, he said right then,
“The thief was Ben! The thief was Ben!”
Ben said to the policin’ man,
“The thief was Dan! The thief was Dan!”
When Carl was questioned, he exclaimed,
“I’m not the one who should be blamed!”
When Dan was questioned, he replied,
“When Ben said it was me, he lied!”
If three of four suspects speak true,
And one speaks false, then who oh who?
And what if only one was frank?

But most of all, who robbed the bank?

Answer:  If only one is lying, Ben robbed the bank.

If only one is telling the truth, Carl robbed the bank.
Since Dan’s statement was that Ben was lying, exactly one of these two must be telling the truth and the other must be lying. If Ben is telling the truth and Dan is lying, Dan must be the thief, which means that Al is lying and Carl is telling the truth. But now we have two truthtellers and two liars. So this cannot be right.

Therefore, if there is only one liar, it must be Ben. Al can only be telling the truth if Ben was the robber. If there is only one truth teller, it must be Dan. Carl can only be lying if Carl was the robber.

 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is…….
What’s so peculiar about this sentence?

I do not know where family doctors acquired illegibly perplexing handwriting; nevertheless, extraordinary pharmaceutical intellectuality, counterbalancing indecipherability, transcendentalizes intercommunications’ incomprehensibleness.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in HAPPY TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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