Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday March 10, 2020
Bloopers on the church bulletin board…..

The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him
their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth Into Joy.”
During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on “It’s a Terrible Experience.”
Due to the Rector’s illness, Wednesday’s healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
The music for today’s service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement on
Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister’s daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
Twenty-two members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.
Today’s Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.
On a church bulletin during the minister’s illness: GOD IS GOOD Dr. Hargreaves is better.
Potluck supper: Prayer and medication to follow.
Don’t let worry kill you off – let the church help.
The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
Hey I’m just saying! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
Happy Tuesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget 
to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day 
 
“Some hospital workers in Kenya have been suspended after doctors performed
brain surgery on the wrong patient. I guess those brain surgeons weren’t exactly rocket scientists.” -James Corden

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“The new Florida weapons bill would allow librarians to arm themselves. Now, in
a related story, talking in Florida libraries is down 99 percent.” -Conan O’Brien😁
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“This week in England, a worker at a factory that makes Coca-Cola cans was caught
urinating into the cans. But Coke quickly dealt with the situation by
putting a Mountain Dew label on it.” -Jimmy Fallon
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.
Turning to the man next to him, he complained, “I forgot my teeth, what am I going to do now!?” The man said, “No problem.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. “Try these,” he said.
The speaker tried them on. “Too loose,” he said.
The man then said, “I have another pair — try these.”
The speaker tried them on and responded, “Too tight.”
The man was not taken back at all. He said, “I have one more pair. Try them.”
The speaker said, “They fit perfectly.”
With that, he ate his meal and gave his speech. After the dinner meeting was over,
the speaker went to thank the man who had helped him.
“I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I’ve been looking for a good dentist.”
The man replied, “I’m not a dentist. I’m an undertaker.” 😳😱😎
 
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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
“You take the blue pill — the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill — you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes”
Answer:  The Matrix!

“The Matrix” was the first in a trilogy that went on to include “The Matrix Reloaded” and “The Matrix Revolutions”. The film is set in a future where the perceived reality is actually a simulated world created by machines who try to control the humans. At the beginning of the film, a computer programmer with the alias Neo, played by Keanu Reeves, tries to decipher the meaning behind references to “The Matrix” that have started to appear on his computer. His attempts lead him to Morpheus, played by Laurence Fishburne, a man who offers him a choice between finding out the truth in the dangerous world of the Matrix or continuing with his current sham of a life.
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
 Soylent Green is people…….
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Monday’s Quizzler is….​
What’s so peculiar about this sentence?

I do not know where family doctors acquired illegibly perplexing handwriting; nevertheless, extraordinary pharmaceutical intellectuality, counterbalancing indecipherability, transcendentalizes intercommunications’ incomprehensibleness.

Answer: Each word in the sentence is one letter longer than the word before it!  

 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
Compound words are pairings of existing words; e.g. brainstorm. Each word affects the overall meaning.

Some word pairs can be compounded in two ways. Use the given clues to find these “compound couples”.
** EXAMPLE **
short range firearm & the blast from a firearm [7]
= shotgun & gunshot
** CLUES **
1. pass & company merger [8]
2. escape & the start of a war [8]
3. delay & maintain [6]
4. shelf set & detective’s diary [8]
** HINT **

You will find sentences in which the Compound Couples can be placed.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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