WELCOME to Wednesday March 11, 2020
Identifying wasted time………
TO: ALL PERSONNEL
FROM: ACCOUNTING
It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in time sheets that specify large amounts of “Miscellaneous Unproductive Time” (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time. Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job-code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter.
Thank you,
Accounting
Attached: Extended Job-Code List
Code and Explanation
5316 Useless Meeting
5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting
5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting
5319 Waiting for Break
5320 Waiting for Lunch
5321 Waiting for End of Day
5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker
5323 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While Coworker is Not Present
5393 Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend
5400 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Not Interested in Learning
5401 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid
5402 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You
5481 Buying Snack
5482 Eating Snack
5500 Filling Out Time sheet
5501 Inventing Times sheet Entries
5502 Waiting for Something to Happen
5503 Scratching Yourself in different places
5504 Sleeping
5510 Feeling Bored
5511 Feeling Horny
5600 Complaining About Lousy Job
5601 Complaining About Low Pay
5602 Complaining About Long Hours
5603 Complaining About Coworker (See Codes #5322 & #5323)
5604 Complaining About Boss
5605 Complaining About Personal Problems
5640 Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining
5701 Not Actually Present At Job
5702 Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu
6102 Ordering Out
6103 Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive
6104 Taking It Easy While Digesting Food
6200 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit
6201 Stealing Company Goods (Paper, rubber bands, staples, staplers, sharpies)
6202 Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying Company Goods
6203 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls
6204 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls to Sell Stolen Company Goods
6205 Hiding from Boss
6206 Gossiping
6207 Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.)
6210 Feeling Sorry For Yourself
6211 Updating Resume
6212 Faxing Resume to Another Employer/Headhunter
6213 Out of Office on Interview
6221 Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching
6222 Pretending to Enjoy Your Job
6223 Pretending You Like Coworker
6224 Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They are Jerks
6238 Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing
6350 Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl
6601 Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code #6603)
6602 Complaining
6603 Writing a Book on Company Time
6611 Staring Into Space
6612 Staring At Computer Screen
6615 Transcendental Meditation
7281 Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes)
7400 Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone
7401 Talking With Plumber on Phone
7402 Talking With Dentist on Phone
7403 Talking With Doctor on Phone
7404 Talking With Masseuse on Phone
7405 Talking With House Painter on Phone
7406 Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone
7419 Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone
7425 Talking With Mistress/Boy-Toy on Phone
7931 Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity
8000 Recreational Drug Use
8001 Non-recreational Drug Use
8002 Liquid Lunch
8100 Reading e-mail
Hey I’m just saying! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
wonderful Wednesday people and whatever you do, don’t forget
to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day
“Department store Neiman Marcus is selling a Dolce & Gabbana toaster
for $600. Or, for the same results, just buy a regular toaster and put $600 in it.” -Seth Meyers
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“Starbucks has unveiled a new rewards system. Previously, you needed only 12 rewards
‘Stars’ to get a free drink; you now need 125. This has made Starbucks customers very
angry. I mean, this is all so frustrating. If only there was some way for people to
make their own coffee, at home.” -James Corden
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“Hasbro announced they are making a new version of Monopoly to appeal to a younger
generation. That means it won’t come with any cash, so you’ll have to borrow some
from your parents’ Monopoly set.” -Jimmy Fallon
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
Since my purchases came to $19.06, I handed the cashier a twenty. “Do you have six cents?” she asked.
“Sorry,” I said after fishing around my pockets, “I have no cents.”
“Finally,” she muttered, “a man who can admit it.”😳
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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”
Soylent Green is people…….
Answer: Soylent Green!
This 1973 horror/suspense film is set in the year 2022, in a world where there isn’t enough food to support the people on the planet? The film starred Charlton Heston and Edward G. Robinson and featured a supposedly plankton-based miracle nutritional supplement in answer to the food shortage. The supplement was really made of something quite different, something much more nefarious. The line was said by a horrified Charlton Heston, as the New York Police Detective who realized that the drug was not made of plankton at all, but was made from dead humans. Though the special effects in the movie can’t hold a shine to those possible in today’s movies, the sinister score and the acting by a solid cast of classic-era actors makes it a good one to check out.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Pepperland is a tickle of joy on the blue belly of the universe. It must be scratched”?
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Tuesday’s Quizzler is….
Compound words are pairings of existing words; e.g. brainstorm. Each word affects the overall meaning.
Some word pairs can be compounded in two ways. Use the given clues to find these “compound couples”.
** EXAMPLE **
short range firearm & the blast from a firearm [7]
= shotgun & gunshot
** CLUES **
1. pass & company merger [8]
2. escape & the start of a war [8]
3. delay & maintain [6]
4. shelf set & detective’s diary [8]
** HINT **
You will find sentences in which the Compound Couples can be placed.
Answer: 1. overtake & takeover
2. breakout & outbreak
3. holdup & uphold
4. casebook & bookcase
Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….
Victor the Viking lived in a distant land inhabited by dragons and sea monsters.
The dragon population later became a threat to the kingdom. The King, who married Victor’s sister and made her his queen, announced a contest. The warrior who could kill the most number of dragons from sunrise to sunset of next Sunday would be declared winner and marry the King’s only daughter.
On the eve of the contest, Gringo the Gorgeous, first born of and heir to the King, slept early to conserve his energy with his sharpened ax beside him.
Victor the Viking, who almost forgot his ax and shield, rode his black gelding into the forbidden forest and camped there overnight to gain a headstart.
Abner the Able spent the night in his house sharpening his spatha and polishing his bronze shield. he had his squire prepare his stallion for the contest.
Brav the Bold woke up very late the morning of the contest and had to ride his horse like crazy to catch up with the others.
Igor the Terrible, the only warrior who used two weapons was able to kill 4 dragons with his ax and 5 dragons with his spear.
At the wedding dinner hosted by the king later that evening, the winner, who killed more than a half dozen dragons with his ax, and his proud parents were honored by the King.
The winner’s horse was castrated and retired from duty. The winner’s bronze shield was permanently displayed in the King’s Hall.
Who won the contest?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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The World According to the Eucman! 