WELCOME to Monday March 23, 2020
You know your getting old when….
Everything that works hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.
You feel like the morning after, and you haven’t been anywhere.
Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.
Your mind makes contracts your body can’t keep.
You look forward to a dull evening.
Your knees buckle and your belt won’t.
Your back goes out more than you do.
You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.
You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
great Monday people and whatever you do, don’t forget
to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
Quotes of the Day
“Google has a new service called ‘Flights’ that is now able to predict
flight delays. How it works is, if you’re flying United,
your flight’s delayed.” -Conan O’Brien😱
“In financial news, billionaire investor Warren Buffett is facing some
criticism after saying in a recent interview, ‘You will not be way happier
if you double your net worth.’ Spoken like someone who has $90 billion.
But he is partially right. Happiness does not come from net worth. It comes
from the things you can BUY because of your net worth.” -James Corden
“If you clean the receipts out of your purse or wallet and stack them
all together, it makes a tiny book about why you’re broke.”
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours in the boat,
the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him.
He asked his father, “How does this boat float?”
The father thought for a moment, then replied, “Don’t rightly know, son.”
The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father,
“How do fish breathe underwater?”
Once again the father replied, “Don’t rightly know, son.”
A little later the boy asked his father, “Why is the sky blue?”
Again, the father replied. “Don’t rightly know, son.”
Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, “Dad, do you mind
my asking you all of these questions?”
“Of course not, son. If you don’t ask questions, you’ll never learn anything!”😳
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”
“To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!”😁
Answer: A Fish Called Wanda!
Jamie Lee Curtis is Wanda Gershowitz in the comedy “A Fish Called Wanda” (1988). Among her other conspirators in this heist film is Otto West (Kevin Kline) to whom the quote is directed, after he breaks in on her and Archie (John Cleese) who she is trying to seduce. Otto gets annoyed when Wanda calls him stupid. He says “don’t call me stupid” and Wanda replies “To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I’ve known sheep that could outwit you. I’ve worn dresses with higher IQs.” After the robbery is committed, they all try to double-cross each other for the diamonds. Jamie’s other characters include Helen Tasker, Laurie Strode and Tess Coleman.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Why so serious?”
Friday’s Quizzler is….
A very mean king went to a nearby village. He wanted some more slaves to serve him at his royal palace. He decided that if any family in the village had more than five children, he would take them. A cobbler and his wife had ten children. When the king came to take them, the cobbler and his wife begged and begged. Finally the king said, “I see that you have ten pairs of shoes in a box. If you can give each of your children a pair and still leave one pair out of ten in the box, you can keep your children. The cobbler and his wife began to smile at each other. How did they keep all of their children?
The cobbler and his wife gave each of his nine children a pair of shoes. That left
one pair in the box. They then gave this tenth child the box with the shoes in it.
Monday’s Quizzler is…….
How can you make the following equation correct without changing it at all?
8 + 8 = 91
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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