WELCOME to Thursday March 26, 2020
QUARANTINE TEXTING, AND EMAIL RULES…
Hey, since we’re now living in the time of e-mail (and blogs and texts and Tweets)
and the more common use of the written language, it is time for an English lesson.
So, with tongue firmly in cheek, here are some rules to keep in mind
when using the Queen’s Engerlish:
1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat).
6. Always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too.
11. Contractions aren’t helpful and shouldn’t be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
14. One should never generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don’t use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is probably not the best way to propose earth shattering ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.
27. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
28. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement.
34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a
great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget
to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day
“A new study found that women’s faces age and wrinkle
just like their mothers. The study was conducted by the American
Society of Wrong Things to Say to Your Wife.” -Jimmy Fallon
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“Archeologists in Egypt now say it’s not true that the pyramids were
built by slaves. They say the pyramids were built by paid workers.
You know how they financed it? A pyramid scheme.” -Jay Leno
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“Some scholars of ancient Hebrew are now suggesting that
certain portions of the Bible could have been written centuries earlier
than others. The scholars say they know this because the newer
portions all begin, ‘Previously, on ‘The Bible.'” -Conan O’Brien
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“A girl phoned me the other day and said “Come on over,
there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.”
– Rodney Dangerfield
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
The new Supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.
I don’t buy toilet paper there any more. 😱😳😁
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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”
“Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn’t one today.”
Answer: “Groundhog Day”
The answer is Bill Murray as weatherman Phil Conner’s, in the fantasy/comedy “Groundhog Day”. The premise is that Phil gets caught in a ‘time warp’ and the same day keeps repeating over and over (until he gets it right). Phil makes this comment to Rita, his potential girlfriend. A very egocentric Phil first takes advantage of the situation, but then realizes he needs to make some changes. Bill Murray earned an Emmy Award for his performance on “Saturday Night Live”, and for Best Supporting Actor in “Olive Kittridge” (2015), and a Golden Globe Award for “Lost in Translation” in 2004. All the choices were in “Ghostbusters” in 1984.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“I’ll have what she’s having”
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Wednesday’s Quizzler is….
Sam the journalist has landed a job somewhere. The problem is, he doesn’t know where. All he knows is that it is in one of 6 cities lined up in a row in northern Canada: Eh Land, Hockeyville, Curling Town, Snowburg, New France, and Canada City. However his employer has left clues.
1. Curling Town is 2 cities away from the job’s location.
2. Hockeyville is 3 cities away from Snowburg.
3. Snowburg is on the right end.
4. New France is not the location.
5. Eh Land is 3 cities from Curling Town.
6. Canada City is 4 cities away from Snowburg.
7. Eh Land is next to the location and another place that isn’t the location.
Sam is lazy, so he is paying you to find out where he is working.
Answer: Order: Curling Town, Canada City, Hockeyville, Eh Land, New France, Snowburg.
Location: Hockeyville
(Sorry though, no money)
Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
Can you decode these stupid quotes said by different people?
“Sniomkg klils. fi yru’oe kleild, yvuo’e solt a ryev iotpnarmt rapt fo uyro eifl.” – Brooke Shields
“Het ienrtnet si a teagr ayw ot etg no teh ent.” – Bob Dole
“I velo Cnrlifaoia, I pirtlcalcay wreg pu ni Pnohiex.” – Dan Quayle
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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