Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

 

Screenshot_2020-04-04 Instagram(5)
WELCOME to Monday April 13, 2020
 
Here’s the story….

A Jewish anthropologist, Benny Steinfeld, was working in the desert near Israel when
he happened upon an odd looking vase. After cleaning it he pried open the lid and
was astonished when a genie sprang from the container and granted him 3 wishes.
Steinfeld wished for enormous wealth, huge land holdings and a bevy of beautiful wives.
All wishes were granted, but on one condition. Never again in his life could the anthropologist get a haircut or shave. To do so would mean instant imprisonment in the same urn in which the genie had been imprisoned. All went well during the first few years of his lavish lifestyle, but his beard and long hair became more and more of a problem. One day, during a moment of weakness and desperation he ran to the bathroom, grabbed some scissors and began cutting off his beard. Immediately his fortunes vanished, and he found himself trapped in the urn lying in the desert sand.
The moral of this story? “A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.” 😱😁😎
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, stay inside, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
________________________________________________________
Quotes of the Day 
I’d rather have Lockheed deliver the mail
than ride around in a plane built by the post office.

________________________________________________________
Time flies when you don’t know what you’re doing.
________________________________________________________
Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.
________________________________________________________
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. — Thomas Jones
________________________________________________________
We are the people our parents warned us about.
________________________________________________________
Men and nations behave wisely once they have
exhausted all the other alternatives. — Abba Eban
________________________________________________________
Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive.
________________________________________________________
Power means not having to respond.
________________________________________________________
The future isn’t what it used to be.
________________________________________________________
You got to be careful if you dont know where your’e
going, because you might not get there. — Yogi Berra
________________________________________________________
Love your enemies. It’ll make ’em crazy.
________________________________________________________
Bureaucrats do not change the course of
the ship of state. They merely adjust the compass.
________________________________________________________
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence
than speech. — Martin Fraquhar Tupper
________________________________________________________
If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world
would have no meaning. — Aristotle Onassis
________________________________________________________
    
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat.
He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the
other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the
man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle
knows that readers digest and writers cramp.😳😁😎
 
________________________________________________________
 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
“Buckle your seatbelt Dorothy, ’cause Kansas is going bye-bye.”
 
Answer:  The Matrix

“The Matrix” is about Neo (Keanu Reeves) who finds out that everyday life is all a facade. Morpheus (Laurence Fishburne) and his gang take him into the real world when they believe he could be the one to overthrow “the matrix”. He learns that the world as we know it is just a screen, protecting humans from the truth that they are just being bred to power machines. Hugo Weaving also stars as the sinister Agent Smith.

This quote comes from when a character called Cypher (Joe Pantoliano) gives Neo a handy tip that he’s about to see the world in a whole new way by being plugged into “the matrix”. A brilliant film in all but a terrible reference to the “Wizard of Oz”!

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“What happened to Buzzsaw?”
“He had to split.”
 
________________________________________________________
 
Friday’s Quizzler is….​
There are four letters that are anagrams to form six words.

You can cook food in ____.
You need ____ to cover fast food cups.
Red means ____ in certain situations.
A ____ can be found on dirty clothes and animals.
Police officers will ____ a warrant for someone’s arrest.
*Bonus*

A student sometimes ____ to not go to college.

Answer:  1)Pots

2)Tops
3)Stop
4)Spot
5)Post

*Bonus* Opts

 
Monday’s Quizzler is…….
 
Moving only three toothpicks, can you make three identical squares from the arrangement below?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s