WELCOME to Tuesday April 14, 2020
1. Marriage changes passion; suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.
2. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: “Buy one dog, get one flea.”
3. I have my own little world. But it’s OK, they know me here.
4. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
5. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
6. I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
7. The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
8. I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
9. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a couple of bucks at the bowling alley.
10. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
11. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
12. Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a Happy Tuesday people, stay inside, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
Quotes of the Day
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible
a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned
on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to
remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty
is the second-best policy.
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to
kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
“I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English
language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?😱😁
What’s all this stuff about motivation? I say, if you need
motivation, you probably need more than motivation. You
probably need chemical intervention or brain surgery. Actually,
if you ask me, this country could do with a little less motivation.
The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me.
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.” The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After buying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”
The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, “It’s just 99 cents a word.” Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, “I want you to send her the word “comfortable”. The telegraph operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, “comfortable?'” The brunette explains, “My sister’s blonde.
The word’s big. She’ll read it slow. – – – -(“com-for-da-bul” ) 😁
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”
“What happened to Buzzsaw?”
“He had to split.”
The Running Man
Arnie’s got to be in here somewhere!
In the futuristic sci-fi flick “The Running Man”, Schwarzenegger plays Ben Richards, who is made into a scapegoat for a massacre and ends up on a reality tv show where convicted felons run for their lives and are killed live on screen by the programme’s gladiators. Of course, Arnie manages to turn the tables and starts knocking off his pursuers.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Oh, you so gotta die.”
Monday’s Quizzler is….
Moving only three toothpicks, can you make three identical squares from the arrangement below?
Move the toothpicks marked with grey into the positions marked with green.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
With his tossing partner, Lenny, Manny is about to try another daring trick using five balls! Manny will start with five four-letter words and Lenny will hold five letters: A, B, C, D, and E. After Manny rearranges each word to form another four-letter word, Lenny will toss one of the letters over to Manny which, when put at the beginning of each new four-letter word, will create a new five-letter word! Unfortunately Lenny has forgotten just which letter to toss at which time…..
Here’s an example. Manny starts with the word PALM. He juggles it to create LAMP. Now Lenny could toss over the C to make the word CLAMP!
Here are the words. First, rearrange each four-letter word into a new one. Then, add either A, B, C, D or E at the beginning of the new word to create a brand new five-letter word. Each of Lenny’s five letters will be used only once.
WARNING! While some words can be rearranged different ways to be used with more than one of Lenny’s letters, there is only one combination that will allow each of his letters to be used only once.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!
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