Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Wednesday April 22, 2020
 
FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY..
 

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set
2. A day without sunshine is like, night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
7. I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be
misquoted, then used against you.
9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges
10. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
11. Remember half the people you know are below average.
12. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
13. Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.
14. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
Have a wonderful Wednesday people,
stay inside, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day 
He’s so old that when he orders a three-minute 
egg, they ask for the money up front.

__________________________________________
They’ve finally come up with the perfect office
computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.
__________________________________________
In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn’t
say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
__________________________________________
A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A
woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking,
“Are you comfortable?” The man answers, “I make a nice living.”
__________________________________________
A young man fills out an application for a job and does well
until he gets to the last question, “Who Should we notify in
case of an accident?” He mulls it over and then writes, “Anybody in sight!”.
__________________________________________

I’d rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be 

is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I’d rather be a has-been than 
a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been,
but a has was once an are. 😱   
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they 
noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn’t unusual, nor
was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who 
were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them.  Generally the 
people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone
 would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something she carried 
in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs, and debated calling the cops, 
but since they didn’t know for sure they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife said, “Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes

up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?”  He hadn’t and said so. Then she said, “Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she’s really doing.”  Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.  “Well, Is she selling drugs?” she asked excitedly.   “No, she’s not,” he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.  “Well, What is it, then? What does she do?” his wife fairly shrieked.  The man grinned and 
said, “She’s a battery salesperson.”  Batteries?” cried the wife. 
“Yes,” he replied. She sells C cells by the sea shore. 😱😳😁😎
 
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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
 “She always did enjoy a good squeeze”
 
Answer: ‘Goldeneye’
Maybe I could write rubbish puns for ‘Bond’ films! ‘Goldeneye’ was Pierce Brosnan’s first outing as the 007 agent. Sean Bean also stars (as a baddie – who would have guessed it?) in this typical Bond-saves-world romp. Other characters are the deadly Xenia Onatopp (Famke Janssen), the sweet Natalya and ‘Goldeneye’ itself which is the key to a weapon in space that can cause all electronic equipment to shut down. Bond also gets to drive through the streets of Moscow in a giant tank with a statue on the top of it.
Pun-wise, there have been some predictable shockers in the ‘Bond’ series – another gem (ahem) is in ‘For Your Eyes Only’ when Roger Moore throws a baddie off a cliff and says “He never really had a head for heights.” Oh dear.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
 “I can’t carry [the ring] for you, but I can carry you!”

__________________________________________
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is….​
A hobo had just been kicked off the train by one of the bosses. As he made his way down a dusty side road, he noticed a saffron robed man sitting next to a campfire apparently deep in thought. A wonderful smelling stew was bubbling in a pot next to him. It had been a full day since the hobo’s last meal, so he went over to the man and tapped him on the shoulder.

“I see by your robes that you are some kind of holy man,” said the hobo.
The Zen Master turned to the hobo and said, “You speak the truth.”
The hobo spoke, “I would sure like to try the stew you have on the campfire there; perhaps if I could tell you something to increase your wisdom, you will agree to share your meal.”
The Zen Master turned to the hobo and said, “Please, you are welcome to share my meal because you have already increased my wisdom!”

What had the Zen Master learned from the hobo to increase his wisdom? 

Answer: The Zen Master learned that he should find a more private place to meditate
if he doesn’t want to be interrupted by every vagabond that happens by.
 
 
Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….
“The Cake Shop” was just opening when four customers came rushing in, asking for cakes that they needed that night! They all filled out forms with their names, what kind of cake, what size, and the occasion it was for. They all rushed in and out, desperately trying to finish organizing and setting up for their parties. Joe, who was working that shift, accidentally put the orders in the paper shredder along with the old orders from the day before! He can only remember a few things, but needs to have all of the cakes ready by 3:00! Can you help him sort out the orders?

First Names: Carson, Ted, Jessica, and Bailey
Last Names: Jones, Tomas, Butler, and Brown
Size: Small, Medium, Large, and Double-Decker
Type of Cake: Chocolate, Swirl, Angel Food, and Cookie
Occasion: Birthday, Baby Shower, Anniversary, and “Congratulations!” party
1. The four customers are: Jessica, the one surnamed Tomas, the one buying a large cake, and the Angel Food cake.
2. The four cakes are: The double-decker, the cookie cake, the one bought for a birthday, and the one bought by Carson.
3. Exactly two customers had the same first and last initial.
4. The customer with the last name of Jones bought a cake for her best friend because she just got promoted to a much better job!
5. The cake that was for an anniversary was bigger than the one for the birthday, and neither were double-deckers.
6. The swirl was either a large or a double-decker, but wasn’t being used to celebrate something that happens annually.
7. The birthday cake was for a one-year-old, so it had to be small.

8. Ted Butler had to get the cake while his wife was busy setting up for one of their friends surprise baby shower!

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com

 

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