WELCOME to Thursday April 23, 2020
Gifts For Him written by Ima Woman…..
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper,
a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men
love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or
socket in it. Men love saying those two words. “Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?”
“OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?” No one knows why.
When in doubt – buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I
have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. Again, no one knows why.
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told
that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn’t have invented Jockey shorts.
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you
have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner.
Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard
for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer.
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I’m told
they do not stink – they are earthy.
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks
there will be labels absolutely everywhere. “Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink.” You get the idea. No one knows why.
Never buy a man anything that says “some assembly required” on the box. It will
ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot,
John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts are also excellent
men’s stores. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know what it is. “From NAPA Auto,eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn’t this a starter for a ’68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.”
Men enjoy danger. That’s why they never cook – but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. “Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?”
Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don’t know why
– please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.
It’s hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts.
Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8″ manilla rope. No one knows why.
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
Have a great Thursday people, stay inside, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
Quotes of the Day
HAM AND EGGS – A day’s work for a chicken;
A lifetime commitment for a pig. 😳
Hard work never killed anybody,
but why take a chance?
Conway’s Law: In any organization there will
always be one person who knows what is
going on – This person must be fired.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes
list of the richest people in America.
If I’m not there, I go to work.
Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em,
“Certainly, I can!” Then get busy and find out how to do it.
Business conventions are important because they
demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
Disorder In The Court
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
Things people actually said in court, word for word:
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all?
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
Q: How old is your son-the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, “where am I Cathy?”
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”
“I can’t carry [the ring] for you, but I can carry you!”
Answer: ‘The Return of the King’
This is from ‘The Return of the King’ when Frodo (Elijah Wood) is struggling to climb Mount Doom to destroy the ring and Sauron, after his epic journey. His life-long devoted friend (and gardener!) Samwise (Sean Astin) heaves him up the mountain to the Cracks of Doom where after a change of heart for the worse, Frodo fights Gollum for the ring. It is eventually Gollum’s lust for the ring that sends him falling with it to his death.
This film won 11 Oscars, although it is widely accepted that the awards were for the entire “Lord of the Rings” trilogy as a whole. Quite faithfully adapted from J.R.R. Tolkien’s most famous work, the films tell of Frodo’s journey to the Cracks of Doom after inheriting the mysterious One Ring from his uncle. Accompanied by The Fellowship which includes men, a dwarf, an elf and several other hobbits, they face almost continuous perils as they try to protect Frodo and stop the ring falling into the wrong hands.
The ‘Lord of the Rings’ films are amongst my all-time favourites but there’s quite a large helping of cheese served with a lot of Frodo and Sam’s scenes together. Actually, the worst part of all three films is near the end of ‘The Return of the King’ when Frodo is recuperating and the remaining Fellowship members all come in and start clapping and bouncing on his bed. I couldn’t put that in this quiz though, as there are no lines spoken.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Talk to the hand.”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is….
“The Cake Shop” was just opening when four customers came rushing in, asking for cakes that they needed that night! They all filled out forms with their names, what kind of cake, what size, and the occasion it was for. They all rushed in and out, desperately trying to finish organizing and setting up for their parties. Joe, who was working that shift, accidentally put the orders in the paper shredder along with the old orders from the day before! He can only remember a few things, but needs to have all of the cakes ready by 3:00! Can you help him sort out the orders?
First Names: Carson, Ted, Jessica, and Bailey
Last Names: Jones, Tomas, Butler, and Brown
Size: Small, Medium, Large, and Double-Decker
Type of Cake: Chocolate, Swirl, Angel Food, and Cookie
Occasion: Birthday, Baby Shower, Anniversary, and “Congratulations!” party
1. The four customers are: Jessica, the one surnamed Tomas, the one buying a large cake, and the Angel Food cake.
2. The four cakes are: The double-decker, the cookie cake, the one bought for a birthday, and the one bought by Carson.
3. Exactly two customers had the same first and last initial.
4. The customer with the last name of Jones bought a cake for her best friend because she just got promoted to a much better job!
5. The cake that was for an anniversary was bigger than the one for the birthday, and neither were double-deckers.
6. The swirl was either a large or a double-decker, but wasn’t being used to celebrate something that happens annually.
7. The birthday cake was for a one-year-old, so it had to be small.
8. Ted Butler had to get the cake while his wife was busy setting up for one of their friends surprise baby shower!
Answer: Carson Tomas bought a medium chocolate cake for his anniversary.
Ted Butler bought a large cookie cake for his friend’s baby shower.
Jessica Jones bought a double-decker swirl cake for a “Congratulations!” party.
Bailey Brown bought a small angel food cake for her son’s birthday.
Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
The following clues lead to two words or phrases that are the phonetic reverse of each other. When you answer the first clue and flip the syllables, you get the second answer. (Phonetic only, not letters.)Using the clues below, please find the words/phrases in question.
Example: Impertinent * Teetertotter
1. Fundamental * Where the doctor works on a naval ship
2. Government assistance for the poor * Goodbye
3. Worst possible Test Score * Optimistic
4. Relevant * What Jesus was born in
5. Sofa * Cups, saucers, sugar bowl, etc. (2 words)
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
http://www.slampi.org, http://www.hopeBUILD.org, http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com.
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store. http://www.amazon.com