WELCOME to Thursday April 30, 2020
BECAUSE THE DOCTOR SAID…..
Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it… Don’t waste on exercise. Everything
wear out eventually. Speed up heart not make live longer; that like say you can extend
life of car by driving faster. Want live longer? Take nap.
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Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. So, steak nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop give 100% recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
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Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take water out of fruity bit; get even more goodness that way. Beer also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
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Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, ratio is two to one, etc.
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Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Cannot think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain…GOOD!
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Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTEN!!! …. Foods fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetables bad for you?
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Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only do sit-ups if want bigger stomach.
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Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy? HELLO … Cocoa bean! Vegetable!!! Cocoa bean best feel-good food around!
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Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale.
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Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. AND…..For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies:
1. The Japanese eat very little fat And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION….. Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you. Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great THURSDAY people, stay inside, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day
Television has raised writing to a new low.
– Samuel Goldwyn
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Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult.
– Edmund Gwenn
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I never said all actors are cattle; what I said was
all actors should be treated like cattle.
– Alfred Hitchcock
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A husband is what is left of the lover
after the nerve has been extracted.
Helen Rowland
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Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in
a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it.
Maurice Chevalier
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Gravitation can not be held responsible
for people falling in love.
Albert Einstein
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To be in love is merely to be in a state of perpetual
anesthesia – to mistake an ordinary young woman for a goddess.
H.L. Mencken
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Love is the gross exaggeration of the difference
between one person and everyone else.
George Bernard Shaw
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
“What kind of music do you sing?” “Aqua-pella.” “Don’t you mean
‘a cappella’, singing without instrumental accompaniment?”
“Nope. I mean ‘aqua-pella’, singing accompanied only by the
“Nope. I mean ‘aqua-pella’, singing accompanied only by the
water coming out of the shower-head.” 😳😁
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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”
“This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne’er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne’er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs’d they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap while any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day.”
Answer: Henry V!
The original speech, made by Henry V to his troops before the 1415 Battle of Agincourt, was (apparently) not nearly as dramatic as Shakespeare’s version – he reminded them that he had a legitimate claim to the French throne, reminded them of the longstanding enmity between the French and the English (this was during the Hundred Years’ War), and told them that the French had vowed to cut two fingers off the right hand of any captured archers (which would keep them from drawing a bow). Agincourt was an impressive victory for the English, led by the English and Welsh longbowmen.
Laurence Olivier delivered the St Crispin’s Day speech from ‘Henry V’ in a radio program intended to boost British morale during World War II. Winston Churchill felt that it was so successful that a movie should be made to follow it up, and remind everyone of the possibility of victory in the face of seemingly overwhelming odds. Olivier was one of those responsible for adapting the play for film, which starts out as if it were to be just showing a stage production in the Globe Theatre. The film then changes to have sets with a medieval feel to them (including the Battle of Harfleur, with its famous exhortation, “Once more… unto the breach! Dear friends, once more!”); this is followed by a move to a real location for the events surrounding the Battle of Agincourt, before reversion to sets suggesting illuminated manuscripts as Henry courts his future wife, Princess Katherine; we finish back with the stage production, and an appreciative audience applauding the performance they have just witnessed.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Can’t, can’t you understand what’s happening here? Don’t you see what’s happening? Potter isn’t selling. Potter’s buying! And why? Because we’re panicky and he’s not. That’s why. He’s pickin’ up some bargains. Now, we-we can get through this thing all right. We’ve, we’ve got to stick together, though. We’ve got to have faith in each other!”
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Wednesday’s Quizzler is….
Jeff, Carl, Tom, Ben, and Alan are five loving dads. Their children, in no specific order, are Jenna, Harry, David, Patrick, and Mary. On five different days of the week, these dads decided to get their children different breeds of dogs. Your job is to figure out which child received which dog, on which day, from which dad, and what each dog was named.
1. The five dads are Carl, David’s father, the owner of the beagle, the owner of Lassie, and Ben.
2. All the dogs’ names have a relationship to the dog…For example, David named his dalmatian Spot, although it obviously has many more. Also, Harry named his poodle Curly.
3. Ben gave a poodle to his son right after Sunday Mass.
4. None of the dad’s names start with the same letter as the name of their child, dog, or dog breed.
5. Lassie was bought by Jeff on Friday. The beagle was bought for Patrick.
6. Tom bought a dog for his son David on Thursday, but Carl went shopping on Monday.
Answer:Jeff-Mary-Collie-Lassie-Fri
Carl-Jenna-Golden Retriever-Goldie-Mon
Tom-David-Dalmatian-Spot-Thurs
Ben-Harry-Poodle-Curly-Sun
Alan-Patrick-Beagle-Snoopy-Wed
Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
Detective Wesley carefully examined the scene before him. He was in a hotel room about 3 miles from the victim’s home. The victim’s body lay in front of him peacefully on the bed. It was January 7th, 3:15 PM, the body was discovered by a hotel maid. The man’s name was Sean Donovin. He was in his late twenties, a successful business owner, a Sunday school teacher, and was soon to be married. The detective shook his head in disgust. He whispered to himself, “Why would anyone commit suicide when they had everything going for them?”
The detective saw this as suspicious. The only potential suspects would have to be people he trusted. According to testimony from his coworkers and friends, he only trusted 3 people: his sister, Hannah, who was very close with the victim and who often assisted him while he taught at the local church; his brother, John, who owned a smaller, semi-successful business; and his fiance, Jenna.
The apparent cause of death was by injection of poison. At least his death was peaceful, the detective thought. The detective continued to search the hotel room, when he stumbled upon a suicide note. It read:
Jan 04/2009 4:10 AM
My loved ones,
Jenna, Sis, John, I would just like to tell you how sorry I am. Blame God for why I am to die today. Blame Him. Seek Him if you want to know why I did leave you. Do not mourn my death. Please move on.
Goodbye,
Sean
The detective saw this letter as somewhat suspicious. His last words were abrupt, almost impersonal. Why would a Sunday school teacher blame God?
The body was taken in for medical examination. Days later, the coroner would determine that the body died from a poison which killed instantly. The coroner would also determine that the body was only dead a mere 3 hours before it was discovered.
The detective then realized that the date and time used on the note were completely false. All 3 of those mentioned in the letter agreed the handwriting was indeed Sean’s.
The detective realized that the identity of the murderer was given inside the suicide note. After a thorough examination of the note, Detective Wesley quickly arrested the murderer.
Who was it?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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