Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

Tiny-Tiny-Hands
WELCOME to Friday May 1, 2020
 
THINKING OUT LOUD…
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice?”
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”
Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
If I buy a contactless pizza delivery, who cuts the pizza? From the oven to the box, really?
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great WEEKEND people, stay inside, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day 
Confucius Says:
Man who stand on toilet high on pot.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
He who eats too many prunes, sits on potty many moons.
Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.
Man who make love to girl on hill…he not on level.
Honeymoon over when man who whispered sweet nothings before now say nothing sweet.
Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.

Man who drive like hell bound to get there.. 😁

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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
She had been thinking about coloring her hair. One day while going through a magazine, she came across an ad for a hair coloring product featuring a beautiful young model with hair a shade that she liked.  Wanting a second opinion, she asked her husband, “How do you think this color would look on a face with a few wrinkles?”  He looked at the picture, crumbled it up, straightened it out and studied it again. “Just great, hon.” 😱😳
 
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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
“Can’t, can’t you understand what’s happening here? Don’t you see what’s happening? Potter isn’t selling. Potter’s buying! And why? Because we’re panicky and he’s not. That’s why. He’s pickin’ up some bargains. Now, we-we can get through this thing all right. We’ve, we’ve got to stick together, though. We’ve got to have faith in each other!”
Answer:   It’s a Wonderful Life!

As a young man, George Bailey planned to see (and conquer) the world, but his father’s death meant he had to stay in Bedford Falls and manage the family business, lest it be taken over by the rich and miserly Mr Potter, which would be disastrous for the “ordinary townsfolk” who needed a sympathetic lending agency in town. The run on the bank that led to the speech in the question is resolved by using the money for his honeymoon to satisfy worried customers, and he never does manage to leave Bedford Falls. Years later, another financial crisis engineered by Potter has him on the verge of suicide, before an apprentice angel named Clarence makes him realise how important his life has been to all the town, not least his family. The movie ends with all the townspeople contributing what they can to provide more than sufficient funds to resolve the crisis, and we all feel warm and fuzzy.

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“My friends, my friends, I have a speech here. It’s a speech about what this state needs. There’s no need in my telling you what this state needs. You are the state and you know what you need. You over there, look at your pants. Have they got holes in the knees? Listen to your stomach. Did you ever hear it rumble for hunger? And you, what about your crops? Did they ever rot in the field because the road was so bad you couldn’t get ’em to market? And you, what about your kids? Are they growin’ up ignorant as dirt, ignorant as you ’cause there’s no school for ’em? … Now listen to me, you hicks! Listen to me, and lift up your eyes and look at God’s blessed and unfly-blown truth. And this is the truth! You’re a hick, and nobody ever helped a hick but a hick himself! Alright, listen to me! Listen to me! I’m the hick they were gonna use to split the hick vote.
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Thursday’s Quizzler is….​
 Detective Wesley carefully examined the scene before him. He was in a hotel room about 3 miles from the victim’s home. The victim’s body lay in front of him peacefully on the bed. It was January 7th, 3:15 PM, the body was discovered by a hotel maid. The man’s name was Sean Donovin. He was in his late twenties, a successful business owner, a Sunday school teacher, and was soon to be married. The detective shook his head in disgust. He whispered to himself, “Why would anyone commit suicide when they had everything going for them?”

The detective saw this as suspicious. The only potential suspects would have to be people he trusted. According to testimony from his coworkers and friends, he only trusted 3 people: his sister, Hannah, who was very close with the victim and who often assisted him while he taught at the local church; his brother, John, who owned a smaller, semi-successful business; and his fiance, Jenna.
The apparent cause of death was by injection of poison. At least his death was peaceful, the detective thought. The detective continued to search the hotel room, when he stumbled upon a suicide note. It read:
Jan 04/2009 4:10 AM
My loved ones,
Jenna, Sis, John, I would just like to tell you how sorry I am. Blame God for why I am to die today. Blame Him. Seek Him if you want to know why I did leave you. Do not mourn my death. Please move on.
Goodbye,
Sean
The detective saw this letter as somewhat suspicious. His last words were abrupt, almost impersonal. Why would a Sunday school teacher blame God?
The body was taken in for medical examination. Days later, the coroner would determine that the body died from a poison which killed instantly. The coroner would also determine that the body was only dead a mere 3 hours before it was discovered.
The detective then realized that the date and time used on the note were completely false. All 3 of those mentioned in the letter agreed the handwriting was indeed Sean’s.
The detective realized that the identity of the murderer was given inside the suicide note. After a thorough examination of the note, Detective Wesley quickly arrested the murderer.

Who was it?

 

Answer: John, his brother, was the murderer.

The time 4:10 AM didn’t refer to the time but rather to the biblical passage Genesis 4:10, which is an excerpt from the story of Cain and Abel, where an envious Cain kills his brother Abel. Many things point to this. AM referred to the Old Testament.

In the suicide note, Sean, being a Sunday school teacher, hinted to search for God to determine who killed him with “Seek Him if you want to know why I did leave you”, which refers to the Bible. Furthermore, he intentionally did not mention the name of his Sister, Hannah, when he noted “Jenna, Sis”, which sounds like “Genesis”.

 
Friday’s Quizzler is…….
Stronger than steel, yet lighter than cotton

Found in a corner, forever forgotten
I bother so many, but marvel a few
You can’t seem to make me

I’m a mystery to you.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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