WELCOME to THURSDAY MAY 14, 2020
Think About It……
Good judgment comes from bad experience and
a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
The quickest way to double your money is to
fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
Diplomacy is the art of saying “good doggie”
while looking for a bigger stick.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile
in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them,
you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Don’t be irreplaceable; if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
A dropped wrench will always end up exactly 1/2 inch beyond your reach.
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT THURSDAY people, stay inside, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day
“A woman in Colorado was cited for property damage after she used a 7-Eleven
microwave to heat up a urine sample, and it exploded. The 7-Eleven owner
was like, ‘Lady, if you wanted hot urine, you could’ve just poured
yourself a coffee.'” -Jimmy Fallon
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“A New Hampshire man who went hiking and was reported missing by his wife
now owes the government thousands of dollars for the search effort, because
when they found him, he had been staying in a luxury hotel. He has to pay
thousands of dollars – and that’s just for eating the macadamia nuts
from the mini-bar.” -James Corden
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“Einstein Bros. Bagels shop is now serving mac and cheese bagels. So if you
love bagels, and you love mac and cheese, I hope you have a great personality.” -Seth Meyers
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
Confucius Says:
He who eats crackers in bed get crummy sleep.
Eunuch not strange creature, just man cut out to be bachelor.
Man who dream of eating giant mushroom—wake up with no pillow.
Man who eats photo of father, soon spitting-image of father.
He who put face in fruit drink get punch in the nose.
Butcher who backs into meat grinder get a little behind in his orders.
Chemist who fall in acid, absorbed in work.
Man become old when he watch food instead of waitress.
Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands.
Man who walk middle of road get run over by bus.
Man who eat jellybean relieve self in technicolor.
Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants!
Man who sit on tack get point!
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
House without bathroom, uncanny.
Man who throw dirt, losing ground.
Two wrongs not make right, but two rights make U-turn
Do not drink and park, accidents cause people.
Man who crosses ocean twice without washing, is a dirty double crosser.
Man who speak with forked tongue, should not kiss balloons.
He who have last laugh, not get joke.
Man who throw away watch, wasting time.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like bananas.
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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”
“Did your parents have any children that lived?”
Answer: Full Metal Jacket!
Hartman employs a range of savage tactics in an effort to get his new recruits hardened up for their first taste of real battle. These policies incorporate some of the most ruthless verbal abuse seen on film, most of which is not suitable to be printed here. Whilst his methods work on most of the men they fail on Private Lawrence who eventually snaps, shoots the gunnery sergeant and then commits suicide.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“you empty headed food trough wiper”
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Wednesday’s Quizzler is….
Jennifer and four of her friends are members of “Friends of The Bard”, a Shakespeare fan club. The last meeting of the year is tomorrow morning, and each member is coming dressed as her favorite character and will read a passage from her favorite play. Everyone signed up to bring refreshments. Unfortunately, Jennifer’s mischievous cat spread chocolate icing (from Jennifer’s refreshment) all over the sign up sheets and she can’t read it! Can you help her determine the full name of each member, their favorite characters, their favorite plays, and what refreshment they signed up to bring?
First names: Cheryl, Jennifer, Marilyn, Patty, Stacey
Last names: Carlson, Jameson, Malone, Pennington, Sullivan
Characters: Ariel, Kate, Mercutio, Ophelia, Puck
Plays: Hamlet, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Romeo and Juliet, The Taming of the Shrew, The Tempest
Refreshments: Brie, chips and dip, crackers, cupcakes, soda.
1. No one’s first name begins with the same letter as their last name.
2. No one is bringing a snack that begins with the same letter as their first or last name.
3. The five members are Cheryl, Ms. Malone, the one who is bringing Brie, the one whose favorite character is Puck, and the one whose favorite play is The Tempest.
4. Ms. Sullivan, who is not Marilyn (whose favorite play isn’t The Taming of the Shrew), once played Ophelia (who is not her favorite character) in her favorite play Hamlet.
5. Cheryl’s favorite character reminds her of a certain red-haired mermaid.
6. Ms. Jameson (who hates Romeo and Juliet) feels that she can relate to her favorite character Ophelia.
7. The one who is bringing the chips and dip (who isn’t Marilyn) loves The Tempest.
8. Patty loves the wit of Mercutio and can’t wait to read a monologue from Romeo and Juliet.
Answer: Jennifer, Sullivan, Puck, Hamlet, cupcakes
Cheryl, Pennington, Ariel, The Taming of the Shrew, soda
Patty, Malone, Mercutio, Romeo and Juliet, crackers
Marilyn, Carlson, Kate, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Brie
Stacey, Jameson, Ophelia, The Tempest, chips and dip
Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have their initial sounds switched to form new words. The pairs need only sound the same, not necessarily be spelled the same (power saw & sour paw, horse cart & coarse heart). There may sometimes be one or two connecting words (kick the stone & stick the cone, king of the rats & ring of the cats). Given the following definitions, what are the spoonerisms?
1) to affix a worm to the end of a fishing line & to dislike a novel
2) to move by foot at a slow gait for eight furlongs & to ridicule for an unspecified amount of time
3) to strike a cooking utensil with the foot & to select a cylindrical metal container
4) to cook a turtle’s covering in an oven & to wave a clanging instrument with a jerky motion
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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