Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to FRIDAY MAY 15, 2020
 
THINKING OUT LOUD…….
Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
If you can’t drink and drive, why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
If you’re in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
You know how most packages say “Open here”. What is the protocol if the package says, “Open somewhere else”?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why isn’t “palindrome” spelled the same way backwards?
Why is a Pizza delivery called contactless delivery from the oven to your house, who cuts the pizza? 😳

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?

Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT WEEKEND people, stay inside, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! 
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day 
“Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative,
a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” – Franklin P. Jones

 ________________________________________________________
“At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass
away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The
refill contained the antidote.” – Emo Phillips
 ________________________________________________________
“The new Coors Light case of beer has a window in it, and
when it turns blue, that means you know your beer is cold.
That’s way more convenient than the old way: touching the cans.” -Jay Leno
 ________________________________________________________
“The top prize at the Cannes Film Festival is the ‘Palme d’Or.
It sounds fancy but it translates to ‘straight to
DVD.'” -Craig Ferguson
 ________________________________________________________
“A new study found that wine stored in boxes loses its flavor
after six months. Although if your thing is boxed wine, I

doubt you’re the kind of guy who keeps it for

more than six months.” -Jimmy Fallon
 ________________________________________________________
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
Do I look that shady? I just got a GPS for my car, and my first trip with
it was to a drugstore. Since the manual said not to leave it in the car
unattended, I brought it with me into the store. While there, the GPS
came alive, and a voice stated, “Lost satellite contact.”  I wasn’t embarrassed
until a woman turned to me and said, “Your ankle bracelet monitor is talking to you.”😳😁
 
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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
 “you empty headed food trough wiper”
Answer:  Monty Python and the Holy Grail

King Arthur is instructed by God to find the Holy Grail and the first stop on their journey is the castle held by the Taunter and his mates. Arthur endures a wave of verbal abuse including the advice that “your mother is a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.” He and his knights are then attacked by cows, sheep and vegetables launched by catapults from inside the castle. They make a play to sneak into the castle using a Trojan Rabbit but forget to hide inside the rabbit.
 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“I’m the guy that does his job. You must be the other guy.”
 
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Thursday’s Quizzler is….​
A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have their initial sounds switched to form new words. The pairs need only sound the same, not necessarily be spelled the same (power saw & sour paw, horse cart & coarse heart). There may sometimes be one or two connecting words (kick the stone & stick the cone, king of the rats & ring of the cats). Given the following definitions, what are the spoonerisms?

1) to affix a worm to the end of a fishing line & to dislike a novel
2) to move by foot at a slow gait for eight furlongs & to ridicule for an unspecified amount of time
3) to strike a cooking utensil with the foot & to select a cylindrical metal container
4) to cook a turtle’s covering in an oven & to wave a clanging instrument with a jerky motion
 
Answer:  1) bait a hook & hate a book

2) walk a mile & mock a while
3) kick a pan & pick a can

4) bake a shell & shake a bell

 
Friday’s Quizzler is…….

Find the two six letter words that are combined in each row of letters. Their letters are in the correct order.

1. JSOYOMFUBELR
2. SCDUARWDRLYE
3. DASNAGEFERTY
4. CLULOOTSCEHN
5. USENEARSEYNE

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.

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