Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to MONDAY MAY 18, 2020
 
Paraprosdokians 
(Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which
 the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, frequently humorous.

1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright
until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right–only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, Notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT MONDAY people, stay inside, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! 
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day 
“A member of the band Journey said ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ was
 inspired by the time he borrowed money from his dad to pay
his dog’s vet bill. Apparently, the dog was hit by a
midnight train goin’ anywhere.” -Jimmy Fallon

____________________________________________________
“Asian restaurant chain P.F. Chang’s announced today it will
open its first location in China. Of course, over there
they’ll be called ‘P.F. Charles.'” -Seth Meyers
____________________________________________________

“Some critics are now saying that NASA will be unable to

use SpaceX’s rocket because it’s too small. However,
SpaceX insists that it’s just the cold weather.” -Conan O’Brien
____________________________________________________
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
A man just returned from traveling around the USA for a year. He had a lot
of stories to tell. Here is one of them. It seems he was looking for a bank and
stopped to ask directions. The man he asked replied “Just drive down this road
about 5 miles and then turn left at the Stop n Go.” He drove 5 miles, then 6, then 7.
At about 10 miles down he stopped for directions again. The man he asked replied,
“Just go back down this road about 5 miles and turn right at the Stop n Go” He headed
out again but still had no luck. When he got back to where he had started he stopped
again. When he asked for directions the answer was exactly the same. This time Jim asked,
“Could you describe the Stop n Go for me?” The man gave him a funny look and said
“It’s on a pole. It’s got a red light on the top, a Green light on the bottom…” 😱😳😁😎
 
____________________________________________________
 
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
 “I’m the guy that does his job. You must be the other guy.”
Answer:  “The Departed” 
In a movie studded with A-List actors Wahlberg manages to hold his own. So easily does he display an acid tongue and produce speech laden with expletives it almost seems as though the role were written with him in mind. In the above scene it is a team of computer geeks that get to feel the sting of his razor quips but, truth be known, I doubt that there was a single character in the movie that Dignam confronted that didn’t feel the lash of his vitriol.
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“you are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity”
 
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Friday’s Quizzler is….​
Find the two six letter words that are combined in each row of letters. Their letters are in the correct order.

1. JSOYOMFUBELR
2. SCDUARWDRLYE
3. DASNAGEFERTY
4. CLULOOTSCEHN

5. USENEARSEYNE

 
Answer:  1. Joyful & Somber

2. Scurry & Dawdle
3. Danger & Safety
4. Clutch & Loosen

5. Uneasy & Serene

 
Monday’s Quizzler is…….
​Use the syllables in the sylalist to complete the clues below. Each clue gives how many syllables the answer of it has. Can you complete every question?

Sylalist: al, ag, er, ful, ga, hope, ig, im, ine, ize, loo, rand, re, rus, sa, wal
1. Arctic marine mammal (2)
2. Eskimo Home (2)
3. Optimistic (2)
4. Understand Clearly (3)
5. Chore (2)
6. Suppose (3)
7. Long Narrative (2)
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.

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