Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to FRIDAY MAY 22, 2020
 
WEEKEND PUNOGRAPHY…
Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address,
you turn down the volume on the radio?
If you have your finger touching the rear view mirror that says —
“objects in mirror are closer than they appear”, how can that be possible?
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
Why is it called a TV “set” when you only get one?
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
Why does an alarm clock “go off” when it begins ringing?
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
Why does “cleave” mean both split apart and stick together?
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
Why is it called a “building” when it is already built?
Why do they call them “apartments” when they are all stuck together?
Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
If you keep trying to prove Murphy’s Law, will something keep going wrong?
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
How can someone “draw a blank”?😳
Shouldn’t there be a shorter word for “monosyllabic”?
Why is the word “abbreviate” so long?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

What is another word for “thesaurus”?

Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT WEEKEND people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! 
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
_______________________________________
Quotes of the Day 
 “The man who says he is willing to meet you
 halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.”

– Laurence J. Peter
_______________________________________
“There are only two kinds of scholars; those
who love ideas and those who hate them.”
– Emile Chartier
_______________________________________
When hiring new staff at the public library, I always
 ask applicants what sort of supervision they’d be
most comfortable with. One genius answered, “I’ve
always thought Superman’s X-ray vision would be cool.”
_______________________________________
My niece was thrilled to hear that a new car wash
was opening up in her neighborhood. “How convenient,”
she said. “I can walk to it!”
_______________________________________
 
 
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept
hinting to me that I should get it fixed.  But, somehow I always
had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing
golf. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought
of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day,
I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny
pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then
went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came
out again I handed her a toothbrush.  I said, ‘When you finish cutting
the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.’ The doctors
say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp. 😱😁😎
_______________________________________
 
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
“We named the dog Indiana.”
Answer:  Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Our favorite archaeologist and his father team up to try and find the Holy Grail before the Nazis can get their hands on it. This line comes at the very end of the movie when Sallah asks Henry why he’s always calling Indiana ‘Junior’. Henry answers that Indie’s name is really Henry Jones, Junior.
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“What exactly does this stuff do?”

“If the rocket renders it aerosol, it could take out an entire city of people.”
“Really? And what happens if you dropped one?”

“Happily, it’ll just wipe out you and me.”

 
_______________________________________
 
 
Thursday’s Quizzler is….​
Georges, Patrick, Charlis, Samuel and Bruno are five Frenchmen. Georges knows English

 and Chinese. Patrick knows Chinese and Japanese. Charlis knows Japanese and German.
Samuel knows German and English. Bruno knows them all: English, Chinese, Japanese and German.
In how many ways can they sit in a row, such that any two neighboring persons have no problems in communication?
Answer:  5*4*3*2*1=120.

They are Frenchmen, and can all speak French. Therefore, any order is OK.
 
Friday’s Quizzler is…….
​See if you can figure out these words using the clues listed below. Each word ends with “BOARD”.
Please note that numbers 4 and 5 are two separate words. Have fun!

1) Used with telephones
2) A place to advertise
3) Right-side of ship
4) Found around water
5) Old-time cars had two
6) Computers need them
7) College professor’s headgear

8) Used in the Old West

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.

 

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