WELCOME to THURSDAY JUNE 4, 2020
Funny Analogies….
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck
that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter
from I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.
The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.
He felt like he was being hunted down like a dog, in a place that hunts dogs, I suppose.
The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.
You know how in “Rocky” he prepares for the fight by punching sides of raw beef? Well,
yesterday it was as cold as that meat locker he was in.
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells,
as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any PH cleanser.
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature beef.
She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal paper fax
machine that needed a band tightened.
A branch fell from the tree like a trunk falling off an elephant.
Fishing is like waiting for something that does not happen very often.
They were as good friends as the people on “Friends.”
He was as bald as one of the Three Stooges, either Curly or Larry, you know,
the one who goes woo woo woo.
The sardines were packed as tight as the coach section of a 747.
Her eyes were shining like two marbles that someone dropped in mucus
and then held up to catch the light.
The sunset displayed rich, spectacular hues like a .jpeg file at 20 percent cyan,
10 percent magenta, 60 percent yellow and 10 percent black.
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT
THURSDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day
“Exciting news from the Norwegian University of Science and Technology. The Norwegians released a study today that says
having a sense of humor can help people live longer. In other words, if you don’t laugh at this monologue tonight, you’re
going to die.” -Jimmy Kimmel
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“Here’s some good news – a woman in Milwaukee gave birth to a 13 pound 12 ounce baby girl last week. Thirteen pound 12
ounces. Doctors say the baby will be walking before the mother.” –Jay Leno
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“What’s the first thing a little girl wants when she gets a new bike? A basket–she’s prepared to shop. What’s the first
thing a boy wants on his bike? A bell or horn–he’s prepared for traffic. “What’s the first toy a little girl wants? A doll–she’s
prepared to shop with friends. What’s the first toy a little boy wants? A gun–he’s prepared for traffic.” –Jason Chase
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“In Cincinnati, a woman gave birth to two 10-pound baby boys. The kids are named Stretch and Mark.”
– Jay Leno
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
The supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts and I intended to stock up.
At the store, however, I was disappointed to find only a few skimpy pre-packaged portions of the poultry, so I complained to the butcher. “Don’t worry,” she said, “I’ll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping.” Several aisles later, I heard the lady butcher’s voice boom over the public-address system: “Will the gentleman who was looking for bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store.” 😳😁😎
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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”
“I’ve never had a Red Bull before
Answer: “Yes Man”
In “Yes Man”, Carrey’s character is a stuck-in-the mud executive who finds himself accepting a dare to say “yes” to everything for a year, with hilarious consequences. When he has “Red Bull” for the first time, he goes totally berserk on the caffeine in the energy drink, and then crashes after uttering this quote. Funny movie!
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“I think it pisses God off when you walk by the color purple in a field and don’t notice it.”
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Wednesday’s Quizzler is….
The name GEORGe mIchAel has the state GEORGIA hidden inside it, in order from left to right. Can you find the states hidden in each of the following?
1. MUSTACHE
2. MAX STEINER
3. GEORGE HARRISON
4. THAT’S THE WAY IT IS
5. INTERDENOMINATIONAL
6. JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME
7. JUMP ON THE BANDWAGON
Answer: 1. Utah
2. Maine
3. Ohio
4. Hawaii
5. Indiana
6. Nevada
7. Montana
Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
Using only 3 straight lines, and without lifting your pencil, can you connect all the dots?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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