You know how it is when you’re reading a book and falling asleep, you’re reading,

reading . . . And all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I’m like that all the time.

_______________________________________

Last night, I walked up to this beautiful woman in a bar and asked her, “Do you live around here often?” She said, “You’re wearing two different colored socks.” I said, “Yes, but to me they’re the same because  I go by thickness.” Then she asked, “How do you feel?” and I said, “Well, you know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs then you lean too far and you almost fall over but

at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.”

_______________________________________

Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

I think I’ve forgotten this before.

_______________________________________

I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one . . .

It wasn’t doing what I was doing.

_______________________________________

I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell

right in front of me–and I didn’t hear it.

_______________________________________

I wrote a song, but I can’t read music so I don’t know what it is.

Every once in a while I’ll be listening to the radio and I say,

“I think I might have written that.”

_______________________________________

He asked me if I knew what time it was. I said,

“Yes, but not right now.”

_______________________________________

I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don’t accidentally

walk through into another dimension.