Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to MONDAY JUNE 8, 2020
  
OLD PEOPLE…
OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just achieve their final goal
OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just lose their kick
OLD SOLDIERS never die, they just fade away
OLD SOLDIERS never die, they just smell that way
OLD SOLDIERS never die, young ones do
OLD SOURDOUGHS never die, they just ferment away
OLD SPELUNKERS never die, they just cave in
OLD STEELMAKERS never die, they just lose their temper
OLD STUDENTS never die, they just get degraded
OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just fall off their blocks
OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just have a stroke
OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just kick-off
OLD SYSTEM USERS never die, they just chdir to NULL
OLD TANNERS never die, they just go into hiding
OLD TAPE DISPENSERS never die, they just get used up
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT
MONDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
_______________________________________
Quotes of the Day 
Steven Wright 101:

You know how it is when you’re reading a book and falling asleep, you’re reading,
reading . . . And all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I’m like that all the time.
_______________________________________
Last night, I walked up to this beautiful woman in a bar and asked her, “Do you live around here often?” She said, “You’re wearing two different colored socks.” I said, “Yes, but to me they’re the same because  I go by thickness.” Then she asked, “How do you feel?” and I said, “Well, you know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs then you lean too far and you almost fall over but
at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.”
_______________________________________
Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
I think I’ve forgotten this before.
_______________________________________
I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one . . .
It wasn’t doing what I was doing.
_______________________________________
I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell
right in front of me–and I didn’t hear it.
_______________________________________
I wrote a song, but I can’t read music so I don’t know what it is.
Every once in a while I’ll be listening to the radio and I say,
“I think I might have written that.”
_______________________________________
He asked me if I knew what time it was. I said,
“Yes, but not right now.”
_______________________________________
I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don’t accidentally
walk through into another dimension.

_______________________________________

 
 
 
 
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered
a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a
piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The
doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, “Can’t you
see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?” The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what
Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, “Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy.
He thinks he’s a lightbulb.” The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2’s face is going
all red. The doctor asks Patient #1, “If he’s your friend, you should get him down from
there before he hurts himself” Patient #1 replies, “What? And work in the dark?”😱😳😁😎
_______________________________________
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
“I was born a poor black child”
Answer:  The Jerk

In “The Jerk”, Steve Martin played an inept and clutzy white boy who was adopted by an African-American family, and he never understood why he didn’t quite fit in. The quote is one of the first lines in the movie. The other colorful movie title answers were also Martin movies, except for “The Purple Rose of Cairo”, a Woody Allen movie starring Jeff Daniels and Mia Farrow.
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“Can’t make the scene if you don’t have the green”
 
 
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Friday’s Quizzler is….​
Find an anagram for each word in Group A. Each anagram will answer one of the clues in Group B.

Group A
1. Sharp
2. Snaky
3. Toner
4. Agree
5. Optic
6. Neigh
7. Rosin
Group B
1. Singing voice
2. Golf clubs
3. Subject
4. Stringed instruments
5. Jointed device
6. Type of beaver
7. Americans overseas
Answer:  1. Harps (4)

2. Yanks (7)
3. Tenor (1)
4. Eager (6)
5. Topic (3)
6. Hinge (5)

7. Irons (2) 

 
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is…….
In this teaser, I have given you 4 words. Beside each word are a series of letter groupings.
Your task is to find the answer to the word on the left by choosing one letter from each of the letter groups to the right of each clue.

Example:
Statuette: fro evi gse rpu lor nai ngd rep
Answer:
Fgo evI Gse rpU loR naI Ngd rEp = FIGURINE
Glasses: ads hjp jje loc tpp art chr awl deg shj
Canteen: cfg ahj fgf rte ttu ioe pro ioi ear
Drink: awq ghu dfa fgh fnq

Main road: hcv dif ggh jkh lwl iay try

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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