WELCOME to WEDNESDAY JUNE 10, 2020
M A R R I A G E Q U O T E S 101….
All marriages are happy–it’s the living together afterward
that causes all the problems.
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Did you hear about the scientist whose wife had twins? He
baptized one and kept the other as a control.
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Disclaimer: Even my wife doesn’t agree with everything I say,
and she loves me dearly. My employers don’t love me nearly
as much as she does. Draw your own conclusions.
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It was very good of God to let Carlyle and Mrs. Carlyle marry
one another and so make only two people miserable instead
of four, besides being very amusing.
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May you be blessed with a wife so healthy and strong; she
can pull the plow when your horse drops dead.
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May you learn to perform miracles: earn a living and
marry off your daughters.
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May your daughters marry men of substance: gypsies with two bears.
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Sign in a marriage counselor’s window: “Out to lunch – Think it over.”
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The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him
love and he invented marriage.
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There is no realizable power that man cannot, in time, fashion the tools
to attain, nor any power so secure that the naked ape will not abuse it.
So, it is written in the genetic cards – only physics and war hold him in
check and the wife who wants him home by five, of course. — Encyclopedia Apocrypha
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Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a WONDERFUL
WEDNESDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day
Rodney Dangerfield, I get no respect 101
“Good crowd…good crowd. I’m telling you I could use a good crowd. I’m ok now
but last week I was in rough shape… Why? I looked up my family tree
and found out I was the sap.”
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“I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my
great Uncle fought for the west!”
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“My father was stupid. He worked in a bank and
they caught him stealing pens.”
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“When I was born..the doctor came out to the waiting room
and said to my father…I’m very sorry. We did everything
we could…but he pulled through.”
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“My mother had morning sickness after I was born.”
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“My father carries around the picture of
the kid who came with his wallet.”
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“When I played in the sandbox the
cat kept covering me up.”
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“I could tell that my parents hated me.
My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”
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“What a dog I got. His favorite bone is in my arm!”
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
A guy is walking past a high, solid wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, “Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!” He continues walking along the long fence, but, being a curious person, he can’t help but wonder why they are chanting “Thirteen!” over and over. Could it be that they are chugging beer? Are they perhaps taking turns beating one of the inmates? Maybe they are counting the number of patients that have leapt off of the roof thus far. His curiosity peaks and he frantically searches for a hole in the fence so that he may see what is going on. Finally, he spots one a few feet ahead. The hole is low in the fence and he has to kneel down to peer inside. He moves into position and peeks into the hole. As he looks in, someone inside pokes him in the eye! Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, “Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!” 😁
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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”
“You take the blue pill — the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.
You take the red pill — you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes”
Answer: The Matrix
“The Matrix” was the first in a trilogy that went on to include “The Matrix Reloaded” and “The Matrix Revolutions”. The film is set in a future where the perceived reality is actually a simulated world created by machines who try to control the humans. At the beginning of the film, a computer programmer with the alias Neo, played by Keanu Reeves, tries to decipher the meaning behind references to “The Matrix” that have started to appear on his computer. His attempts lead him to Morpheus, played by Laurence Fishburne, a man who offers him a choice between finding out the truth in the dangerous world of the Matrix or continuing with his current sham of a life.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
Soylent Green is people!!!
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Tuesday’s Quizzler is….
Over a ten-year period, a truck was owned by 4 consecutive men, each a master of a different trade in a different city. From the following clues, identify the first and last names of the owners and the order in which they owned the truck. Also, each man’s trade, where he worked, and the duration that he owned the truck.
1. Mike owned the truck for 3 years.
2. The plumber bought the truck new.
3. Smith did not work in Newark.
4. The fourth man owned the truck for the least amount of time, and was not the electrician.
5. The third owner’s last name was Jones.
6. Joe worked in Chicago. He sold the truck to the man who owned it for 4 years.
7. Tom, the painter, did not work in Boston.
8. Pat’s last name is Reilly.
9. The mason from New York sold the truck to Kelly.
Answer: Joe Smith, plumber, Chicago, 2 years.
Pat Reilly, electrician, Boston, 4 years.
Mike Jones, mason, New York, 3 years.
Tom Kelly, painter, Newark, 1 year.
Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….
Five parents pick up their children at the Parkway Elementary School every Tuesday to bring the kids to their
after-school activity. Five children all attended a different after school activity and their parents
always arrive at different times (between 3:00 pm and 3:30 pm).
Child’s name: Colleen, Donald, Josh, Margie, and Mary
Parent’s name: Ann, Capri, Kathy, David and Lynne
Last Name: Dobson, Holden, Johnson, Steinway, and Walsh
Times picked up: 3:00, 3:10, 3:20, 3:25, and 3:30
Activities: ballet, chess, fencing, football, and hiking.
Determine each child’s full name, the first name of the parent picking them up (all the parents’ last names are the same as their child’s), the time each was picked up, and the activity each child is being brought to.
1. Margie’s best friend’s mother, Mrs. Dobson, arrived before Kathy came to pick up her son. Mrs. Walsh picked up her daughter for fencing.
2. Josh Steinway loved football as much as Donald liked chess and they both liked being the last two to be picked up.
3. David Holden picked up his daughter for her hiking as soon as he could, but Lynne was always there before he was.
4. Margie liked being the first one picked up but she didn’t take ballet or hiking.
5. Lynne’s daughter was not Margie.
6. In order of their departure from school: Ann, the girl who took ballet, Mary Holden, the boy who took football, and Capri Johnson.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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