Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to MONDAY JUNE 15, 2020
  
MEGA MORON AWARDS……..
Tennessee: A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank’s video
camera, while the camera was remotely recording. (That is, the videotape recorder was
located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn’t get the videotape of himself stealing the camera).
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Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?]😳😐
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Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief  on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.😳😁😎
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New York: As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes Officer. That’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”😱
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Ann Arbor:The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.😁
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Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle’s license plate still attached to the bumper. 😳
 
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT
MONDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day 
“This is the sixth book I’ve written, which isn’t bad for

a guy who’s only read two.”
– George Burns
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“I have only one superstition. I touch all the bases when
I hit a home run.”
– Babe Ruth
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“I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous
to offer me the position.”
– Mark Twain
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“For those who may not know this: When the preacher says,
‘You may now kiss the bride,’ he’s only speaking to the
groom.” -David Gunter
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“My girlfriend and I are talking about getting married.
She keeps asking me if I can support her, but she knows I
can…she’s always on my back.” –Scott Wood
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“Health officials revealed that criminals in British jails
actually, have a better diet than patients in British
hospitals. Of course, both of those groups are eating better

than people in British restaurants.” -Jimmy Fallon

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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
The problem – There’s a box with a hole at each end and there’s a rabbit in the box.
The rabbit sticks his head out of the hole in one end, and a minute later he sticks it out
the other end. Half a minute later, his head appears at the opposite end, a fourth of a
minute later it appears at the end opposite to that one, an eighth of a minute later… etc.,
etc. How long will it take before the rabbit sticks its head out of both ends of the box at
the same time? In theory, two minutes. In practice, no answer is possible unless you split hares. 😳😁😎
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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
“Mr. Spade, have you any conception of how much money can be got for that black bird?”
 
Answer:  The Maltese Falcon!

All of the films mentioned are Humphrey Bogart films, but only “The Maltese Falcon” is the one in which Bogart plays Sam Spade, private detective, trying to find the elusive sculpture that is the black bird of the title of the film. Spade’s partner had been murdered early in the movie, and it is somehow related to the quest for the valuable item. The plot takes many twists and turns, with people betraying each other right and left. This quote comes from a scene where Kaspar Gutman, played by Sydney Greenstreet, is trying to enlist Spade’s assistance in locating the bird. This is one black-and-white classic that is well worth a view!
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
‘Three tomatoes are walking down the street – a poppa tomato, a momma tomato, and a little baby tomato. Baby tomato starts lagging behind. Poppa tomato gets angry, goes over to the baby tomato, and smooshes him…and says, catch up.’
 
 
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Friday’s Quizzler is….​
A museum has 5 wings: North, South, East, West, and Central. These wings are where the museum displays their traveling exhibits. One year 5 different exhibits came, each one to a different wing. From the clues below, determine the name of the traveling exhibit, what month it opened, how long it was on display, and what wing it was housed in.

1- East Wing hosted the Ancient Greek, an exhibition which opened later in the year than the one which lasted four months.
2- The first exhibit to go on display lasted for 3 months.
3- The exhibitions in North Wing opened in June.
4- Aztec was on display for a period of five months.
5- The six month touring exhibit was allocated to West Wing.
6- The exhibition starting in September ran for longer than the display of the Samurai.

7- The exhibition entitled Masada and Dead Sea Scrolls opened two months before the display in Central Wing; their duration differed by more than a month.

Answer:  In February the Masada and Dead Sea Scrolls display opened in South Wing for 3 months.

In April the Aztec display opened in Central Wing for 5 months.
In June the Samurai display opened in North Wing for 4 months.
In September King Tut opened in West Wing for 6 months.

In November the Ancient Greek opened in East Wing for 2 months. 

 
 
 
 
Monday’s Quizzler is…….
Andrew Richardson, deputy head cryptographer at a top department of defence (DOD) facility, was working late one night. The last set of codes he received to decipher came from NASA ‘s space station. Apparently they had been receiving the same 5 set of codes over the past week on a high frequency band in visual digital format. They read……………

wmoa eemn cfuu orrs
wkia eesn ltpe ihlt
hwth oeno pgem eewe
wsta auob rnpl ispe
aust lmmd laui hnse
“Strange,” Andy thought. “Never received work from this site before.”
Eager to finish and get home, he set to work on figuring out the troublesome codes. The first one took him some time ………….
WE COME FROM URANUS.
“What!” he laughed. He thought it was a joke or that he had deciphered incorrectly. However he continued using the same template, and by the time he’d finished he wasn’t laughing anymore. He quickly picked up his phone and dialed his director and then the head of the DOD. Somehow he knew he wasn’t going home tonight.

What did Andy find that got him so worried?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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