Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to TUESDAY JUNE 16, 2020
  
Why ask why 101
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
If you’re in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY
TUESDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day 
 Robert Schmidt…………

I’m in Champaign, I listen to the great music on Rock 107, and when out of town … they mail it to me.
Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.”
“I own the erasers for all the miniature golf pencils”
I want to start a car repair shop. I have already got the air for the tires.
My grandma says she has eyes in the back of her head… I hope it’s not hereditary.
When I was 10, my pa told me never to talk to strangers … we haven’t spoken since.
A wino asked me for change… I gave him my shirt.
I don’t like dogs … keep getting mustard on my catching glove.

My mom called me last night … I’m over it now. I was thinking of calling her back … there it passed…

 
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
These two girlfriends are very close, allowing them to be totally honest with each other. As one fidgeted in front of the mirror one evening before a date, she remarked, “I’m fat.” “No, you’re not,” the other scolded. “My hair is awful.” “It looks just fine.” 
“I’ve never looked worse,” she whined. “Yes, you have,” her friend replied.  😳😁
 
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Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
‘Three tomatoes are walking down the street – a poppa tomato, a momma tomato, and a little baby tomato. Baby tomato starts lagging behind. Poppa tomato gets angry, goes over to the baby tomato, and smooshes him…and says, catch up.’
 
Answer:  Pulp Fiction!

Mia (Uma Thurman) explained to Vincent (John Travolta) that she was going to be in a TV series called ‘Fox Force Five’. In each show, she would tell a joke. This joke was from the pilot. Mia delayed telling Vincent the joke all night because he’d laugh (or not) but she finally told him after he saved her life when she overdosed. ‘Pulp Fiction’ was released in 1994.
 
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
‘I know what you’re thinkin’. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I’ve kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question
 
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Monday’s Quizzler is….​
Andrew Richardson, deputy head cryptographer at a top department of defence (DOD) facility, was working late one night. The last set of codes he received to decipher came from NASA ‘s space station. Apparently they had been receiving the same 5 set of codes over the past week on a high frequency band in visual digital format. They read……………

wmoa eemn cfuu orrs
wkia eesn ltpe ihlt
hwth oeno pgem eewe
wsta auob rnpl ispe
aust lmmd laui hnse
“Strange,” Andy thought. “Never received work from this site before.”
Eager to finish and get home, he set to work on figuring out the troublesome codes. The first one took him some time ………….
WE COME FROM URANUS.
“What!” he laughed. He thought it was a joke or that he had deciphered incorrectly. However he continued using the same template, and by the time he’d finished he wasn’t laughing anymore. He quickly picked up his phone and dialed his director and then the head of the DOD. Somehow he knew he wasn’t going home tonight.
What did Andy find that got him so worried?

Answer:  All the codes can be broken by arranging the 16 letters in a grid of 4*4 from left to right. The result is a phrase readable via the columns starting at the top left corner, reading down and ending at the bottom right corner

Using the first code
wmoa eemn cfuu orrs
W M O A
E E M N
C F U U
O R R S
You should be able to read ……..
WE COME FROM URANUS.
The other codes read:
WE LIKE THIS PLANET.
HOPE WE GET NEW HOME.
WAR IS UNSTOPPABLE.

ALL HUMANS MUST DIE. 

 
 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
I am a word of meanings three.

Three ways of spelling me there be.
The first is an odor, a smell if you will.
The second some money, but not in a bill.
The third is past tense, a method of passing things on or around.

Can you tell me now, what these words are, that have the same sound?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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