WELCOME to THURSDAY JUNE 18, 2020
A FEW SIMPLE RULES FOR HAPPY LIVING:
Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
Avoid arguments with women about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
For high blood pressure sufferers – simply cut yourself and bleed for a
few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.
A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. You’ll be afraid to cough.
You only need two tools in life – WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move
and it should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and it does, use the duct tape.
If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem.
Daily thought: Some people are like Slinkies…not really good for much
but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT
THURSDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
Quotes of the Day
“A new study has found that people who run marathons
have less arthritis than non-runners. Responded non-runners:
‘This. This is why no one wants to hang out with you.'” -Seth Meyers
“Applebee’s is offering $1 Long Island iced teas for the entire month
of June. So if someone tells you they just spent $20 at Applebee’s,
get them to a hospital.” -Jimmy Fallon
“A clothing company is going to release a $99 wedding dress. The $99
wedding dress is the perfect way to tell your man, ‘I do, I guess.'” -Conan O’Brien
“Nordstrom is launching a new home and wellness collection that features a
marijuana-scented candle. You can use it to cover up the smell when you get
stoned on vanilla.” -Seth Meyers
“This Sunday is Father’s Day. With the big day coming up, a lot of people are shopping
for the perfect Father’s Day card, and while there are lots of good choices, there are
also some very unpopular cards out there. For example, this card says, ‘Dad, you taught
me everything I know.’ Open up, it says, ‘That’s why I’m so messed up.'” -Jimmy Fallon
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
A young city boy visiting a dude ranch wanted to be appear macho, so he went out walking with one of the hired hands.
As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried to begin a conversation, “Say, isn’t that fine-looking bunch of cows over there.”
The hired hand replied, “Not ‘bunch,’ it’s ‘herd.'”
“Herd of cows.”
“Sure, I’ve heard of cows!” finished the city boy excitedly, “there’s a big bunch of ’em right over there.”😱
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”
‘I know what you’re thinkin’. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I’ve kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question
Answer: ‘Dirty Harry’
Clint Eastwood, who played Detective Harry Callahan in five movies, said these lines in the first of the ‘Dirty Harry’ movies. He was pointing his gun at a bank robber at the beginning of the film. At the end of the movie, he said almost exactly the same lines to the Scorpio Killer (Andrew Robinson), the man he chased throughout the movie. This has been parodied and misquoted many times since 1971, when ‘Dirty Harry’ was released.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
‘Every one of you listening to my voice, tell the world. Tell this to everybody, wherever they are. Watch the skies, everywhere, keep looking. Keep watching the skies.’
Tuesday’s Quizzler is….
I am a word of meanings three.
Three ways of spelling me there be.
The first is an odor, a smell if you will.
The second some money, but not in a bill.
The third is past tense, a method of passing things on or around.
Can you tell me now, what these words are, that have the same sound?
Answer: Scent, cent and sent.
Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
At noon, you look at the clock in your bedroom. The big hand is on the five and the little hand is in between the 3 and the 4. What time is it?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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