WELCOME to THURSDAY JULY 2, 2020
1) “When I die, I want to die like my grandfather–who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.” –Author Unknown
2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: “Take two aspirin” and “Keep away from children.” –Author Unknown
3) “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” –Drew Carey
4) “The problem with the designated driver program, it’s not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.” –Jeff Foxworthy
5) “If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there is a man on base.” –Dave Barry
6) “Relationships are hard. It’s like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you; they should give you two weeks’ notice. There should be severance pay, and the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.” –Bob Ettinger
7) “My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim’.” –Paula Poundstone
8) “A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: “Duh.” –Conan O’Brien
9) “Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I’m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God… I could be eating a slow learner.” –Lynda Montgomery
10) “I think that’s how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, ‘Gee, I’m enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn’t cold enough. Let’s go west.'” –Richard Jeni
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT
THURSDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
Quotes of the Day
“A new version of the Bible is being published that is gender-neutral. For instance, the books of ‘Mark, Luke, and John’ are now the books of ‘Kris, Jean, and Terry.'”–Conan O’Brien
“Last week, the state of California held a garage sale, and they raised about a million dollars. Now the governor has given his blessing for yet another unusual moneymaking scheme: ‘The State of California’s Lemonade Stand.'”
“You have to be wary of men with mustaches. Stalin had a mustache; Hitler had a mustache; Saddam Hussein had a mustache…Tom Selleck had a mustache.” -Craig Ferguson
“I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is.” – Will Durst
“The greatest challenge to any thinker is stating the problem in a way that will allow a solution.” – Bertrand Russell
“History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.”
– Abba Eban
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
English professors love to catch the errors students make in their term papers, and they love nothing better than
to catch mixed metaphors. The “friends and survivors” of Calvin College English department collected this list of
mixed metaphors and posted them on their web site:
“He swept the rug under the carpet.”
“She’s burning the midnight oil at both ends.”
“It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket on the fire.”
“It’s time to step up to the plate and cut the mustard.”
“She’s robbing Peter to pay the piper.”
“He’s up a tree without a paddle.”
“Beware my friend…you are skating on hot water.”
“Keep your ear to the grindstone.”
“Sometimes you’ve gotta stick your neck out on a limb.”
“Some people sail through life on a bed of roses like a knife slicing through butter.”
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”
“Would you be willin’ to trade all the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and
tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they’ll never take… OUR FREEDOM!”
Answer: William Wallace
While astride his horse before battle, William Wallace gave this inspirational speech to his fellow countrymen. Mel Gibson
wanted Jason Patric to portray William Wallace, but later took the role on himself.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“Do you have any idea what it’s like being English? Being so correct all the time, being so stifled by this dread of, of doing the wrong thing”.
Wednesday’s Quizzler is….
Jack, of Beanstalk fame, had been given some colored beans. He shared them out among his friends and they planted them. What color bean was each given, what color beanstalk grew from each bean and how tall did they grow?
No beanstalk’s colors included the bean’s color from which it grew.
Humpty was impressed with his multi colored beanstalk (not grown from an orange bean) that grew taller than Bo Peep’s beanstalk by at least a meter
The beanstalk grown from the orange bean grew exactly twice as tall as the bean that Goldilocks planted.
The 2 meter tall beanstalk was grown from either a green or a blue bean.
The red bean grew into a beanstalk containing green.
The green bean grew into a taller beanstalk than the beanstalk grown from the blue bean.
The red and blue spotted beanstalk grew to exactly 2.5metres in height.
Jack Spratt’s beanstalk, much to his delight, was multi colored.
Miss Muffett’s beanstalk had red and orange stripes; it did not grow from a yellow bean.
Names: Bo Peep, Goldilocks, Humpty, Jack Spratt, Miss Muffett
Bean Color: Blue, Green, Orange, Red, Yellow
Beanstalk Color: Blue & Green, Green & Orange, Red & Blue, Red & Orange, Yellow
Height: 1mtr, 2mtr, 2.5mtr, 3mtr, 4mtr
Answer: Name / Bean Colour / Beanstalk Colour / Height
Bo Peep / Red / Green & Orange / 1 mtr
Goldilocks / Blue / Yellow / 2 mtr
Humpty / Yellow / Red & Blue / 2.5mtr
Jack Spratt / Orange / Blue & Green / 4mtr
Miss Muffett / Green / Red & Orange / 3mtr
Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
Jeff has five friends who have gone to different countries for a while to study the culture. He received a letter from each of his friends telling of the girls they found in these countries. Jeff lost the letters and forgot who found whom. Help him figure out which guy found which girl and each girl’s hobby, name, favorite food and in which country they were found.
Friends: Jerry, John, Mark, Luis, and Bill
Girls: Jennifer, Jessica, Marissa, Ashley, Brittany.
Countries: United States, Brazil, Norway, India, Denmark.
Hobbies: Playing the piano, Read, Cook, Clean, Shop.
Favorite Foods: Pizza, Lasagna, Lamb Chops, Steak, Shrimp.
1. The five friends are: The one who found Jennifer, the one who found the girl that likes to eat pizza, John, the one who found the girl from Denmark [who likes lasagna], and the one who found the girl who loves to shop.
2. The five girls are: The one found by Mark, the one who likes steak, the one who likes to play the piano, Ashley, and the girl found by John [who loves lamb chops].
3. No guy found a girl who shared the same initial in their names.
4. Part of Brazil is on the coast, there is a lot of seafood that is brought in. Jennifer lives close to the seafood market. She always secretly orders extra shrimp, her favorite.
5. Unlike Jeff’s other friends, Luis didn’t leave the United States. This is how he found Jessica, the master shopper.
6. Brittany came from a long line of musicians, her grandfather left her the piano she loves so dearly.
7. Jennifer was very smart and creative. This came from her continuous reading.
8. Although Ashley cooks, she doesn’t mind ordering the best food in the world, pizza.
9. The girl from India loves to cook.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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