Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to TUESDAY JULY 7, 2020
Eleven Things a Guy Learned from Action Movies……

1. No matter what my problem is, it’s the fault of someone other than myself, and
the appropriate response is to find that person and kill him with my bare hands.
2. To be truly attractive, a woman must wear high heels and an outfit so tight
you can tell whether she’s cold or not from across the room.
3. There are two kinds of women in the world: The type that want to go to bed
 with you, and the type want to kill you. Both types are physically attractive and under 25 years old.
4. If I rudely argue with my boss in front of my co-workers, not only won’t
he fire me, but he will gain a profound respect for me.
5. If I can find an important enough mission, it will supersede my obligations
 to perform household chores, bathe, and call the next day.
6. If I go without bathing, swear a lot, and treat women badly, they will adore me.
7. If a woman tries to clean a bullet wound and I curse in pain, she will fall in love with me.
8. Anyone who isn’t a cop, mercenary soldier, and/or private investigator is gay. Or at least a sissy.
9. If I have a prolonged fist-fight with another guy and neither of us dies, we will become best friends.
10. My arch-enemy will bear an uncanny resemblance in age and bearing to my father,
and he will make it clear that he has gained a deep respect for me before I kill him with my bare hands.

11. When I shoot people, they will die quickly and cleanly, and I will never be arrested

or troubled by their widowed wife and children. When people shoot me, however,
I will at most receive a ‘flesh wound,’ which will be tended to by a beautiful woman.
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY
TUESDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day 
 
“What’s another word for thesaurus?” – Steven Wright.

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“Only one man ever understood me, and he didn’t
understand me.” – G.W. Hegel (philosopher)
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“Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense
in any copyright law on the planet.” Mark Twain. –
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“Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire,
and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.” – Terry Pratchett.
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“Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.” – Ambrose Bierce
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“You’re about as useful as a one-legged man
at an arse kicking contest.” – Rowan Atkinson.
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“Behind every successful man is a woman,
behind her is his wife.” – Groucho Marx.
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“I used to sell furniture for a living. The
trouble was, it was my own.” – Les Dawson.
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“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens
 if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?” – Steven Wright.
_________________________________________

“I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde.

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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, “Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?” “Yes,” the golfer responded. “Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?” “Yes, I did. How did you know?” he asked. “Well,” said the policeman very seriously, “Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver’s windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn’t make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?” The golfer thought it over carefully and responded… “I think I’ll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb.” 😱😳😁😎
 
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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
“In the end, they put candles on the bodies, so’s their friends if they had any could know them in the dark.” 

Answer:  Gangs of New York

After Leonardo DiCaprio gave his speech, New York was shown at a high speed being built into a great city from 1800 to early 2001.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“The memories will be so thick they’ll have to brush them away from their faces. People will come, Ray. The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball”.
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Friday’s Quizzler is….​
What is this phrase?

King Garfield and Queen Felix
King Scooby and Queen Lassie

Answer:  Raining (reigning) cats and dogs! 

 
 
 
 
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
A series of burglaries has plagued London. The famous private investigator, Sheerluck Holmes, is on the case. He has five suspects. As usual, Sheerluck has bungled again, and has lost his notes. Fortunately, he has memorized some of the clues. Help Sheerluck determine each man’s age, height, weight, and hair color. Also, help identify the culprit so that he can be put behind bars.

Men: Ben, Gus, Ron, Sam, Tim
Ages: 29, 32, 37, 42, 46
Weights: 166, 178, 190, 201, 216
Heights: 5’8″, 5’9″, 6’0″, 6’3″, 6’4″
Hair (descending order of darkness): black, brown, red, blonde … plus bald
1) The man who is 6’0″ tall is older than the man who weighs 178 pounds, who is older than Ben (one of these is the guilty man).
2) Ron weighs more than the brown-haired man, who weighs more than the man who is 32 years old.
3) Ben is taller than the blonde-haired man, who is taller than the man who weighs 166 pounds.
4) The man who is 32 years old has darker hair than the man who weighs 190 pounds, who has darker hair than Tim (one of these is the guilty man).
5) Each man has one measurement (age, weight, or height in inches) that is an odd number.
6) The youngest, the lightest, and the shortest … are three different men … and do not have red hair (the guilty man is not among them).
7) The oldest, the heaviest, and the tallest … are three different men … and do not have black hair (one of these is the guilty man).
8) Ben and Gus have a weight difference of 12 pounds.
9) Sam and Tim have a height difference of 3 inches.
10) Ron is not 4 years older or younger than any other man.

11) The guilty man does not have blonde hair.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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