WELCOME to FRIDAY JULY 10, 2020
ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle on both sides.
BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MYTH: A female moth.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor-saving devices of today.
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT
WEEKEND people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
Quotes of the Day
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C.
This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people.
So overweight people are now average. Which means you’ve met your New Year’s resolution.
McDonalds announced it’s considering a more humane way of slaughtering
its animals. You know they fatten them up and then kill them. You know the
same thing they do to their customers, isn’t it?
A Minneapolis company has come out with a credit card size shotgun that fits
in your wallet. The inventor says he invented it to give people a sense of security.
Oh yeah, what makes you feel more secure than sitting on shotgun? Now how does
this work? What’s the first thing a thief steals? Your wallet, oh, now he’s got your gun too!
According to the L.A. Times, Attorney General John Ashcroft wants to take “a harder stance” on the death penalty. What’s a harder stance on the death penalty? We’re already killing the guy? How do you take a harder stance on the death penalty? What, are you going to tickle him first? Give him itching powder? Put a thumbtack on the electric chair.
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask,
“Why do we have to learn this pointless information” “To save lives.” the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. “So how does physics save lives?” he persisted. “It keeps the ignoramuses
like you out of medical school,” replied the professor. 😱😁😎
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”
“Do you know anyone that wouldn’t turn you in for two million dollars? I don’t think you do. I doubt it. So wherever you go and whatever you do,
this money will be tracking you down for all time”.
Speaking to his son’s kidnappers over a news camera at a studio, Tom Mullen asked them this question. “Ransom” was based on the 1956 movie of the same name.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“We will not go quietly into the night!” We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day”.
Thursday’s Quizzler is….
Can you decipher this:
Answer: Tennis shoes.
Friday’s Quizzler is…….
Your task here is to change one letter in each of the following words, in order to find six (6) words with a common theme.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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