WELCOME to FRIDAY JULY 17, 2020
Hey, since we’re now living in the time of e-mails (and blogs and texts and Tweets)
and the more common use of the written language, it is time for an English lesson.
So, with tongue firmly in cheek, here are some rules to keep in mind when using the Queen’s Engerlish:
1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They’re old hat).
6. Always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too.
11. Contractions aren’t helpful and shouldn’t be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
14. One should never generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
16. Don’t use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!!
24. Use words correctly, Irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is probably not the best way to propose earth shattering ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.
27. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
28. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement.
34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT
WEEKEND people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
Quotes of the Day
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life
to become well known, then wears dark glasses
to avoid being recognized. Fred Allen
Say what you will about the Ten Commandments,
you must always come back to the pleasant fact
that there are only ten of them. H.L. Mencken
A compromise is an agreement whereby both
parties get what neither of them wanted. Author Unknown
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of
thinking. Attributed to Arthur McBride Bloch
If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by
spectacular error. John Kenneth Galbraith,
Money: Whence It Came, Where It Went
Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today.
It is already tomorrow in Australia. Charles Schulz
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
John got off the elevator on the 50th floor and nervously
knocked on his blind date’s door. She opened it and was
as beautiful and charming as everyone had said. “I’ll be
ready in a few minutes,” she said. “Why don’t you play
with Spot, my dog, while you’re waiting?” He does wonderful
tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make a
hoop with your arms, he’ll jump through.” The dog followed
John onto the balcony and started rolling over. John made a
hoop with his arms and Spot jumped through–over the balcony
railing. Just then John’s date walked out. “Isn’t Spot the cutest,
happiest dog you’ve ever seen?” “To tell the the truth,
” he replied, “Spot seemed a little depressed to me!”😳😳
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”
“My mommy always said there were no monsters – no real ones – but there are.”
In the first sequel to ‘Alien’ (1979), Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) finds a little girl, Newt (Carrie Henn), apparently the only survivor on planet LV-426. As Ripley is putting Newt to bed, the following conversation takes place. “My mommy always said there were no monsters – no real ones – but there are,” says Newt. “Yes, there are, aren’t there?” Ripley replies. “Why do they tell little kids that?” Newt asks. “Most of the time, it’s true,” Ripley replies. ‘Aliens’ was released in 1986, ‘Alien 3’ in 1992, and ‘Alien Resurrection’ in 1997.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“I don’t know nothin’ ’bout birthin’ babies.”
Thursday’s Quizzler is….
It was officer Smith’s first day on the job. All the detectives were buzzing about a recent robbery from Fort Knox. One hundred pounds of gold had been stolen right from under the guards’ noses. It was obviously an inside job, and the list of suspects was rather short. Jim Python was at the top of the list, but they had checked his house and found nothing.
Hank Pank, the Captain, ran into the room. “I’ve just received an e-mail from our robber.” Everyone ran into the conference room to see it. “I can’t believe how smug this robber is, rubbing it in our faces!” thought Smith. The e-mail said:
“Greetings, you capitalist swine! I trust you have realized your ridiculous inability to catch a master thief. I have hidden the gold a short flight away which was difficult due to its weight. You will never catch me!!”
The officers, keeping Jim’s house under surveillance, suddenly radioed in. “The suspect has left his home in a hurry and appears to be moving towards the airport”. Every officer in the room ran to their cars except Smith.
Two hours later, Captain Pank returned disheartened. “We got Jim, but without the gold we don’t have much of a case”. Smith replied “I have the gold, it was easy to find once I deciphered the e-mail”.
What had Smith figured out?
Answer: The gold was hidden at his house. It was upstairs (a short flight) in the workout room where Jim had configured it to look like regular weights.
With the gold found, Jim confessed, and Smith was quickly promoted.
Friday’s Quizzler is…….
I am a rock group that has 4 members, all of whom are dead, one of which was assassinated. What am I?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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