Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to FRIDAY JULY 31, 2020
Here’s the Story….. 

A Jewish anthropologist, Benny Steinfeld, was working in the desert near Israel when
he happened upon an odd-looking vase. After cleaning it he pried open the lid and was
astonished when a genie sprang from the container and granted him 3 wishes. Steinfeld
wished for enormous wealth, huge land holdings and a bevy of beautiful wives. All wishes were granted, but on one condition. Never again in his life could the anthropologist get a haircut or shave.
To do so would mean instant imprisonment in the same urn in which the genie had been imprisoned. All went well during the first few years of his lavish lifestyle, but his beard and long hair became more and more of a problem. One day, during a moment of weakness and desperation, he ran to the bathroom, grabbed some scissors and began cutting off his beard. Immediately his fortunes vanished, and he found himself trapped in the urn lying in the desert sand. The moral of this story?
“A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.”😳😁😎
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a WONDERFUL
WEEKEND people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!  
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Quotes of the Day 
Steven Wright……

I wrote a few children’s books… Not on purpose.
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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident.
I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
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I installed a skylight in my apartment…. The people who
 live above me are furious!
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All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs
synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob
a department store… With a pricing gun… She said, “Give me all of the
money in the vault, or I’m marking down everything in the store.”
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While I was gone, somebody rearranged all the furniture in my bedroom.
They put it in *exactly* the same place it was. When I told my
roommate, he said: “Do I know you?”
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In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so
often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from
a woman in Germany. She said, “Cut it out.”
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Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real
brick wall, just so I’d be the only one who knew. People come over and
I’m gonna say, “Go ahead, touch it… It feels real.”
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In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above…
So I never have to go upstairs.
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One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash

on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty
pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.

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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….   
There was once a very influential farmer in a remote part of China, who had a problem.
His chickens were losing their feathers and dying. H sought the counsel of the two wise
men in town, Hing, who was scientist, and Ming, who was a sorcerer.

Hing, who has had man advanced course hours in poultry science, consults the classic text in poultry disease, “Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Diseases of Chickens, But Were Afraid to Ask.” In the book Hing finds a reference to the report of a study showing that feeding the chickens with an infusion of gum tree leaves is often a remedy for chickens losing their feathers. Meanwhile Ming reads obscure writings of ancient wise men, he meditates, and he reads tarot cards and examines the entrails of a pig. Getting no inspiration he uses his old standby, reading tea leaves. In a spark of discovery, it comes to him that an infusion of gum tree leaves is the cure.
So the two wise men report back to the influential Chinese farmer. Ming says, “As gum sticks to tables and chairs, so shall an infusion of gum tree leaves make feathers stick to chickens.” Hing agrees, saying “Studies show that infusions of gum tree leaves alleviate feather loss in chickens.” The influential Chinese farmer is ecstatic, for the two wisest men in town are of a single mind. He decides to follow their recommendation. It does not work.

Moral of the Story: “All of Hing’s courses and all of Ming’ ken couldn’t get gum tea to feather a hen.” 😁😎

 
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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ” 
“You can have any kind of home you want. You can even have stucco. Oh, how you can get stucco!”
Answer:  The Coconuts

“The Coconuts” (1929) was a direct adaptation of the very successful play in which the Marx brothers had starred, and was made in New Jersey. The play was simply filmed with little change to the dialogue, settings or action. The movie concerns Mr. Hammer’s shady dealings, his romancing of the staid Mrs. Potter (Margaret Dumont) and his attempts to keep his hotel afloat with the aid of Jamison (Zeppo Marx) and Chico and Harpo Marx. It also features the beautiful Kay Francis.
 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“Uh, did I happen to spend a twenty-dollar bill in here last night?”

Bartender: “Yeah.”

Souse (relieved): “Thank goodness! I thought I’d lost it.”

 
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Thursday’s Quizzler is….​ 
I saw the happy pair pass by,

Newly wed midst joy and acclamation,
One simple English word thought I,
Exactly summed the situation.
But years have passed and love is slain,
And now they go divergent ways,
For they have been divorced.
Again, one word quite fits the case.
The second word is like the first,

Two central letters just reversed.

Answer:  UNITED-UNTIED.

 
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is…….
Find 17 creatures in this paragraph.

Kneel in the kayak grasping the boat, but don’t wrench the bullion or scowl
at the chart. Behind the taped and sealed planter is a benevolent collier. The foxglove is in the bath.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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