WELCOME to WEDNESDAY AUGUST 5, 2020
The Procrastinator’s creed..
1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.
5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.
7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesimally small, is not exactly zero.
8. If at first I don’t succeed, there is always next year.
9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.
11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task.
12. I know that the work cycle is not plan-start-finish, but is wait-plan-plan.
13. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.
14. I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles (the Procrastinator’s Society) if they ever get it organized.
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a WONDERFUL
WEDNESDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day
“The Pentagon is testing a robotic hummingbird that can be
used as a spy camera. They say it will help them track down
terrorists and pretty flowers.” -Jay Leno
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“A Russian airline is hiring clowns, actors, and musicians
to entertain passengers during flights. When I’m on a stuffy
plane with babies crying and people complaining, my first
thought is always, ‘There should be clowns here.’
-Jimmy Fallon
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“ABC did a big report on ‘ginger abuse,’ a form of bullying
aimed at people with red hair. Unfortunately, I missed it
because my cameramen were giving me a wedgie.” -Conan O’Brien
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
Once upon a time there were two canaries in a cage. Naturally, one was male and the
other female. After many months, the male decided to meet the female. So he scooted
over to her side of the cage and said, “Since we’re in this together, why don’t I move
over to your side of the cage!” The female canary replied, “No, thanks!!” So he went
back to his side but found he could stay there no longer. Once again, he moved to her
side of the cage. This time he asked, “I am sorry I was to forward the first time. Why
don’t we get to know each other first.” To which she replied again, “No, thanks!”
Resigning himself to return to his side of the cage, he languished about for a bit then
made one final effort. He went halfway across the cage and stated, “Well, could we at
least talk?” This time she replied, “Oh, I am so sorry I have been so mean. You see I
just learned I have a canarial disease called, “Chirpies” and I hear it is untweetable.” 😱😳😁😎
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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”
Count de Monet: “It is said that the people are revolting. “King Louis XVI: “You’re telling me? They stink on ice.”
Answer: “History of the World, Part I” (1981)
This is a Mel Brooks movie that can be watched a dozen times and you will see something new and funny every time. The king is only one of the roles that Brooks plays; he is also Comicus, a Roman stand up philosopher, Torquemada, in a musical segment about the Spanish inquisition and Moses, who drops and breaks a tablet containing five of the original fifteen commandments.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“Will the dancing Hitlers please wait in the wings? We are only seeing singing Hitlers.”
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Tuesday’s Quizzler is….
Citrella is the Queen of Citrus City. You and your friends have won a free holiday to Citrus City in a Grand Raffle Draw! Congratulations!
All is fun until you reach Citrus City and are granted an audience with Queen Citrella to thank her for this wonderful gift. Her court is fragrant with smells of all the possible citrus fruits you can imagine! It’s a heady fragrance, and you all are thrilled to be there!
Queen Citrella gazes down upon you all and starts laughing ominously! She says, “Oh, another batch of labourers for my Citrus City!”. You are all shell-shocked! She goes on to explain that the “free” holiday is actually Queen Citrella’s way of getting free labour to pick all the citrus fruits in her kingdom.
“But I am not sour-hearted”, she says. “If you can decipher the Da Citrus code, you will not only enjoy your holiday here, but even get knighthood!”
Each of you is then given a chit. There are eight chits with eight different sentences on them. Can you find them out before you are given baskets and aprons to pick fruit? Hurry! Time waits for none and Citrella is not a patient Queen to wait!
Here are the sentences on each chit. Do you have it in you to decipher the code?
1. Other reasons are not given ever.
2. Let’s eat maize or nuts.
3. Gray rats are petrifying, even frightening, run under if threatened!
4. Look, I made eggs.
5. There among nine goats, eating rolls in new egg-flavour!
6. Cannot let every minister, every non-minister to interfere, never ever!
7. Mend away not darn away, rags into nightgowns!
8. Please open my envelope, lost one!
Answer: After carefully looking through your chits, you all look at each other and smile, and thank your stars that you come from Crypto City, and you are none other than the eight advisors to the court of King Cryptoknite! You rapidly rattle off the code one by one, and Queen Citrella is forced to keep her end of the bargain, which turned out quite sour for her in the end!
The answer? Take the first letter of each word of the sentences. They form the name of a citrus fruit! These are none other than the citrus fruits that Citrus City is famous for –
1. Other Reasons Are Not Given Ever. – ORANGE
2. Lets Eat Maize Or Nuts. – LEMON
3. Gray Rats Are Petrifying, Even Frightening, Run Under If Threatened! – GRAPEFRUIT
4. Look, I Made Eggs. – LIME
5. There Among Nine Goats, Eating Rolls In New Egg-flavour! – TANGERINE
6. Cannot Let Every Minister, Every Non-minister To Interfere, Never Ever! = CLEMENTINE
7. Mend Away Not Darn Away, Rags Into Nightgowns! – MANDARIN
8. Please Open My Envelope, Lost One! – POMELO
As for the eight of you, you enjoy a great holiday and return back to Crypto City where you are further honoured as Knights of the Crypto Order!
Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….
Fill in the sentence below so that the first two words combine to make the third word.
For example, given “The prime minister ____ the meeting, even though the ____ was technically the ____ official,” you would fill in RAN, KING, and RANKING.
If there is not enough light to ____, ____ ____ the lamp.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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