WELCOME to THURSDAY AUGUST 6, 2020
Here’s the story…..
A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar and tearfully tells the son he is proud of him.
Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant “Take another drink”! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. Swoooop! Two arms pops out. The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, “Take another drink”! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left…. then to the right…. right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him
and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says, “That boy should have quit while he was a head.” 😱😳😁😎
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT
THURSDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day
[Humanity] has unquestionably one really effective weapon—laughter. Power,
money, persuasion, supplication, persecution—these can lift at a colossal humbug—push
it a little—weaken it a little, century by century, but only laughter can blow it to rags
and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand. — Mark Twain
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A good laugh heals a lot of hurts. — Madeleine L’Engle
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A good laugh is a mighty good thing, a rather too scarce a good thing. — Herman Melville
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A good laugh is sunshine in the house. — William Thackeray
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. — Phyllis Diller
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A smile starts on the lips, a grin spreads to the eyes, a chuckle comes from the belly; but a good laugh bursts forth from the soul, overflows, and bubbles all around. — Carolyn Birmingham
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A well-balanced person is one who finds both sides of an issue laughable. — Herbert Procknow
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Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand. — Mark Twain
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Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. — Lord Byron
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, “that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?”
The man replies, “all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious…Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything — meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything.”
“Well,” says the dentist, “that’s probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It’s eaten away your upper plate. I’ll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome.” “Why chrome?” asks the patient. To which the dentist replies, “It’s simple. Everyone knows that there’s no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!” 😏😁
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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”
“Will the dancing Hitlers please wait in the wings? We are only seeing singing Hitlers.”
Answer: “The Producers” (1968)
Producers Bialystok and Bloom have gone to a great deal of trouble to produce what they think will
be a flop, in a scheme to bilk investors. The musical is so bad that the audience takes it for a farce and it becomes a hit.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
Barf: “I’m a Mog. Half man, half dog. I’m my own best friend.”
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Wednesday’s Quizzler is….
Fill in the sentence below so that the first two words combine to make the third word.
For example, given “The prime minister ____ the meeting, even though the ____ was technically the ____ official,” you would fill in RAN, KING, and RANKING.
If there is not enough light to ____, ____ ____ the lamp.
Answer: If there is not enough light to READ, JUST READJUST the lamp.
Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
This teaser is based on ‘funny’ alternative definitions a word could have if you broke the word up into its syllables and treated the syllables as words in themselves. I will provide a list of words or names and a list of definitions, it is your job to match them up.
They are meant to be a bit light hearted and may not have perfect pronunciation so work the words in your head a bit. Having the definitions should provide help in this regard. Also note that sometimes the ‘new word’ syllables may not only be using one syllable in the word.
An example would be:
Word: Contemplate “Con template”: A stencil that criminals are made from.
Words:
Primate
Innovation
Awesome
Control
Bernadette
Definitions:
A short, ugly inmate
The act of removing your spouse from in front of the TV
A rousing applause for the motel/hotel
The act of torching a mortgage
A unit of measurement for the number of rowing implements used
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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