WELCOME to FRIDAY AUGUST 14, 2020
WEEKEND PUNOGRAPHY…
I was having coffee at the golf course when I saw a large
amount of black sediment in the bottom of the cup.
So I called the grounds keeper.
My church accepts any denomination. But
they prefer tens and twenties.
Q: What kind of engine do they use in golf carts?
A: Fore cylinder.
I say a dermatologist about a nasty red patch on my skin.
I asked it would get better, but he said he didn’t
want to make any rash promises.
An university student fell in love, and dropped out of school
to marry her young love. She wrote to her parents to say
that she had put the heart before the course.
I witnessed a robbery in a fabric factory and immediately
called the police. They caught the culprit and
held me as a material witness.
Support your right to bare arms! Wear short sleeves!
When a ladder was stolen from a store, the manager
said that further steps would be taken.
People who talk about false gods
are engaged in idol gossip.
A good carpenter will do his work and
then varnish without a trace.
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT
WEEKEND people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day
Laughter is the shortest distance between
two people. — Victor Borge
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Laughter is the sun that drives winter from
the human face. — Victor Hugo
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Laughter lets me relax. It’s the equivalent of
taking a deep breath, letting it out and saying,
‘This, too, will pass’. — Odette Pollar
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Laughter opens the lungs, and opening the
lungs ventilates the spirit. — Unknown
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Laughter serves as a blocking agent. Like a
bulletproof vest, it may help protect you against
the ravages of negative emotions that can
assault you in disease. — Norman Cousins
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Let us not use bombs and guns to overcome
the world. Let us use love and compassion.
Peace begins with a smile—smile five times a
day at someone you don’t really want to smile
at all—do it for peace. So let us radiate peace…
and extinguish in the world and in the hearts of
all men all hatred and love for power. — Mother Teresa
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Let your heart by merry. — Judges 19:6
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Life does not cease to be funny when people die
any more than it ceases to be serious when
people laugh. – George Bernard Shaw
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
The confused young man couldn’t decide whether to marry Kathryn or Edith.
Try as he might, he just could not make up his mind.
Unwilling to give up either, he strung them along for far too long. This
indecision continued until both young women got tired of the situation and left him for good. Moral of the story: You can’t have your Kate and Edith too!😳😁😎
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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”
“The Grey Hair’s children were under Magua’s knife but escaped. They’ll be under it again.” “Why do you hate the Grey Hair, Magua?”
Answer: The Last of the Mohicans!
In the events leading up to this scene, Indian scout Magua (Wes Studi) has lead a column of British soldiers, British Colonel Munro’s two daughters, and frontiersman Hawkeye (Daniel Day-Lewis) to Colonel Munro at Fort William Henry (Magua calls him “Grey Hair”). However, Magua is actually allied with the French. In this scene the British situation is being discussed by Magua, French General Montcalm (Patrice Chéreau) and French Captain De Bougainville (Dylan Baker). Magua says the first line and General Montcalm asks him the second line. In the 1993 Academy Awards “The Last of the Mohicans” won the Oscar for Best Sound. The movie soundtrack is one of my favorites.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“He has a knife.” “That’s not a knife. THAT’S a knife.”
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Thursday’s Quizzler is….
Fill in the sentence below so that the first two words combine to make the third word.
For example, given “The prime minister ____ the meeting, even though the ____ was technically the ____ official,” you would fill in RAN, KING, and RANKING.
If there is not enough light to ____, ____ ____ the lamp.
Answer: If there is not enough light to READ, JUST READJUST the lamp.
Friday’s Quizzler is…….
This teaser is based on ‘funny’ alternative definitions a word could have if you broke the word up into its syllables and treated the syllables as words in themselves. I will provide a list of words or names and a list of definitions, it is your job to match them up.
They are meant to be a bit light hearted and may not have perfect pronunciation so work the words in your head a bit. Having the definitions should provide help in this regard. Also note that sometimes the ‘new word’ syllables may not only be using one syllable in the word.
An example would be:
Word: Contemplate “Con template”: A stencil that criminals are made from.
Words:
Primate
Innovation
Awesome
Control
Bernadette
Definitions:
A short, ugly inmate
The act of removing your spouse from in front of the TV
A rousing applause for the motel/hotel
The act of torching a mortgage
A unit of measurement for the number of rowing implements used
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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