WELCOME to WEDNESDAY AUGUST 19 2020
25 Phases of Wisdom….
1. If you’re too open minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a WONDERFUL
WEDNESDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
Quotes of the Day
“The difference between a violin and a viola is
that a viola burns longer.” – Victor Borge
“A Hospital is no place to be sick.”
– Samuel Goldwyn
“I hate music, especially
when it’s played.” – Jimmy Durante
“A new study says that women who drink moderate amounts of alcohol every
day lose more weight than women that don’t drink at all. At least, that’s what your wife will slur to you after she forgets to pick up the kids from soccer practice.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“A town in Arkansas has had three earthquakes in under 24 hours. They think it
could be due to removing waste water which is known as ‘fracking.’ I don’t know
what fracking is, but I sure enjoy saying it.” -Craig Ferguson
“Samsung just came out with this new refrigerator that has built-in Internet and
a screen on the outside so you can display family photos and recipes. Or for
$2,000 less, you can buy a magnet.” -Jimmy Fallon
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
Harvey’s grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it
into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop. In the shop is a little old man who
insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy German accent. He asks Harvey, “Vat sims to
be ze problem?” Harvey says, “I’m not sure, but it doesn’t go ‘tick-tocktick -tock’
anymore. Now it just goes ‘tick…tick…tick.'” The old man says, “Mmm-Hm!” and
steps behind the counter, where he rummages around a bit. He emerges with a
huge flashlight and walks over the grandfather clock. He turns the flashlight on,
and shines it directly into the clocks face. Then he says in a menacing voice,
“Ve haf vays of making you tock!” 😁😎
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“You don’t wanna marry me.” “Why don’t you love me, Jenny? I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is.”
Answer: Forrest Gump
In this scene Forrest (Tom Hanks) has asked Jenny (Robin Wright) to marry him and adds “I’d make a good husband, Jenny.” She agrees, but says the first line. Forrest comments with the second. “Forrest Gump” won Best Picture in the 1995 Academy Awards and Tom Hanks won Best Actor in a Leading Role for his portrayal of Forrest Gump. The movie follows the life of low-I.Q. Forrest, including his accidental experiences with some of the most important people and events in America from the late 1950s through the 1970s, and his encounters with the love of his life, Jenny. Chevy Chase turned down the role of Forrest.
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“I can’t swim.” “Are you crazy? The fall will probably kill ya.”
Tuesday’s Quizzler is….
How is failure represented in the rebus below?
Answer: Failure is not an option.
Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….
It prods a man’s hand, and it robs him of sleep,
It makes him climb mountains and travel the deep,
It makes him go wander down deep in a cave,
and do almost anything stupid or brave,
The longer denied the greater it grows,
It makes a man learn ’till he thinks that he knows.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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