WELCOME to FRIDAY AUGUST 21 2020
Weekend Punography…
Getting braces : Putting your money where your mouth is .
Did you hear about the nuclear scientist who swallowed some uranium ? He got atomic ache .
Epitaph in a dog cemetery : “He never met a man he didn’t lick “.
Squirrel’s NEST: A Nutcracker Suite.
Social Diseases : Germs of endearment .
If Mississippi gave Missouri a New Jersey , what would Delaware ? Idaho, Alaska .
What’s the funniest animal in the world ? A stand-up chameleon .
When Eve went streaking through the Garden of Eden, Adam declared that she was absent without leaf .
“One man’s Mede is another man’s Persian”. “Are you Shah ? ” “Sultanly “.
She was only a moonshiner’s daughter, but he loved her still .
When high heels went out of style, it was a big letdown .
If you fall asleep while reading and sunbathing, you’re well red .
Dermitologists start their practices from scratch .
When you go to the dentist and get braces, you’r eputting your money where your mouth is .
What do cats call mice on skateboards ? Meals on wheels .
Archeology students who study the plumbing of ancient Egypt are Pharaoh faucet majors .
Artificial fish : A plastic sturgeon .
Atheists are people with no invisible means of support .
Atheism is a non-prophet organization .
What do you get when you cross Dracula with a pig ? A hampire !
Do turtles wear people neck sweaters ?
One surgeon arguing with another : Suture self .
What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to ? Plymouth Rock !
Dieting : The triumph of mind over platter .
The explorer came down from the North Pole . When he reached the last Lapp, he knew he was at the Finnish line.
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT
WEEKEND people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day
If you wish to glimpse inside a human soul and get to know the man, don’t bother
analyzing his ways of being silent, of talking, of weeping, or seeing how much he is
moved by noble ideas; you’ll get better results if you just watch him laugh. If he
laughs well, he’s a good man…All I claim to know is that laughter is the most reliable
gauge of human nature. — Feodor Dostoyevsky
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If you would not be laughed at, be the
first to laugh at yourself. — Benjamin Franklin
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It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down
and spreads to your hips. — Fred Allen
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It’s one thing to say, ‘I don’t fear death’, but to laugh out loud
somehow drives the idea home. It embodies our theology. —Rev. Laura Gentry
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Laugh my friend, for laughter ignites a fire within the
pit of your belly and awakens your being. —Stella & Blake
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Laughter connects you with people. It’s almost impossible
to maintain any kind of distance or any sense of social
hierarchy when you’re just howling with laughter.
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors,” and E-flat leaves. C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me, I’ll just be a second.”
A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor and sends him out. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and shouts, “Get out now. You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”
Next night, E-flat, not easily deflated, comes into the bar in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says: “You’re looking pretty sharp tonight. Come on in. This could be a major development.” Sure enough, E-flat takes off his suit and everything else and stands there au naturel.
Eventually, C, who had passed out under the bar the night before, begins to sober up and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest. So, C goes to trial, is convicted of contributing to the diminution of a minor and sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an up scale correctional facility. The conviction is overturned on appeal, however, and C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
The bartender decides, however, that since he’s only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar.😏😎
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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Open the pod bay doors, HAL.” “I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.”
Answer: 2001: A Space Odyssey
In this scene space ship Discovery is on its way to Jupiter to learn about the origins of a back monolith, discovered on Earth’s moon. Astronaut Dr. Dave Bowman (Keir Dullea) has just requested that the HAL-9000 computer running things on the spaceship let him back aboard after a space walk by speaking the first line. However HAL is attempting to take over the spacecraft and refuses to open the air lock. It speaks the second line (voice by Douglas Rain). “2001: A Space Odyssey” won the 1969 Academy Award for Best Visual Effects and was nominated for three other awards, including Best Writing, Story and Screenplay – Written Directly for the Screen (by director Stanley Kubrick and author Arthur C. Clarke).
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“It’s funny, you know. It’s a good story, it’s funny, you’re a funny guy.” “What do you mean, you mean the way I talk?”
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Thursday’s Quizzler is….
There are many four–letter words that can be formed by combining two US State abbreviations.
For example: Journey on horseback = RIDE which is RI (Rhode Island) + DE (Delaware).
See if you can figure these out:
1. Single sheet of glass
2. Large number of
3. Mount Vesuvius output
4. Diamond in the rough
5. Lacking moisture
6. Walk through water
Answer: 1. PANE = Pennsylvania + Nebraska
2. MANY = Massachusetts + New York
3. LAVA = Louisiana + Virginia
4. COAL = Colorado + Alabama
5. ARID = Arkansas + Idaho
6. WADE = Washington + Delaware
Friday’s Quizzler is…….
If a cork is put into a glass of water, the cork will almost always drift to the side of the glass. There is one simple way, however, to get the cork to float in the center of the glass (the horizontal center, not the vertical). What is it? Water, the glass, and the cork are all that is required.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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