Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to MONDAY AUGUST 24 2020

The Laws of Golf….

LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does 
not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the 
course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round 

ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, 

it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.

LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is 

breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must 

solemnly chant “You looked up,” or invoke the wrath of the universe.

LAW 6: The higher a golfer’s handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.

LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate 

golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.

LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.

LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.

LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn’t, how do you explain the way it works against you?

Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT
MONDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day
“For a lot of children, the party known as summer is over. Don’t worry, kids.
School will end eventually and then you’ll get to go to a different kind of school
called work, and it only ends when you get old and die.” -Jimmy Kimmel

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“Scientists in Canada are working to create the world’s first beer brewed
entirely from cannabis. Scientists say they’ve been working tirelessly
from morning to mid-morning.” -Seth Meyers
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“An 11-year-old boy in Florida was able to hack into a state elections website

and change results in under 10 minutes. So get ready to meet Florida’s
next governor, Fortnite McDeadpool.” -Jimmy Fallon
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….  
I was doing an overnight at a hotel away from home, and I took my computer
down to the bar to do some work. I sat down at the bar and I asked
the bartender, “What’s the wifi password?”

Bartender: “You need to buy a drink first.”
Me: “Okay, I’ll have a beer.”
Bartender: “We have Molsons Canadian on tap.”
Me: “Sure. How much is that?”
Bartender: “$8.00.”
Me: “Ok. Here you are. What’s the wifi password”

Bartender: “youneedtobuyadrinkfirst, no spaces and all lowercase.” 😁😎

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Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“It’s funny, you know. It’s a good story, it’s funny, you’re a funny guy.”  “What do you mean, you mean the way I talk?”
Answer: Goodfellas

In this scene several mobsters are socializing at a nightclub when Tommy DeVito (Joe Pesci) tells a story. Henry Hill (Ray Liotta) reacts with the first line. Hair-trigger Tommy suddenly gets serious and says the second line and then adds, “You mean funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you?” He later acts like it was all an act and says, “I almost had him.” Although the characters in “Goodfellas” were fictionalized, the story was based on actual incidents and people. When the real Henry Hill entered the Witness Protection Program he was relocated to Redmond, WA, and while there he ran an Italian restaurant. In the 1991 Academy Awards, Joe Pesci won the Oscar for Best Actor in a Supporting Role and “Goodfellas” was nominated but did not win in five more categories (including Best Picture). Best Picture that year was won by “Dances with Wolves.”
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“You know, I read about you all in the papers, and I just get scared.”  “Now Ms. Parker, don’t you believe what you read in all them newspapers.”
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Friday’s Quizzler is….​
If a cork is put into a glass of water, the cork will almost always drift to the side of the glass. There is one simple way, however, to get the cork to float in the center of the glass (the horizontal center, not the vertical). What is it? Water, the glass, and the cork are all that is required.

Answer:  The reason that a cork drifts to the side of a glass is that it floats to the highest point. Since water “clings” to the glass, the highest point is around the edge of the water. To get the cork to float in the middle of the glass, all you have to do is fill the glass as much as possible. The water will form a convex shape above the glass, with the highest point at its center. This is where the cork will settle.
Monday’s Quizzler is…….
What does this represent?

Ag Ag Ag Ag Ag
Ag CIRRUS Ag
Ag Ag Ag Ag Ag

Ag Ag Ag Ag Ag
Ag CUMULUS Ag
Ag Ag Ag Ag Ag

Ag Ag Ag Ag Ag
Ag STRATUS Ag
Ag Ag Ag Ag Ag

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.

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