WELCOME to WEDNESDAY AUGUST 26 2020
Real Court Excerpts….
Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes
quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning?
Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, “I have to kill you because you can identify me.”
Q: Did he kill you?
Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
Were you alone or by yourself?
Q: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture?
A: That’s me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?
Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?
Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
Q: Now then, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I’ll be three months on March 12th.
Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was around January 12th?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?
Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
So, you were gone until you returned?
You don’t know what it was, and you didn’t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?
Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.
A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question,
interrupted himself and said, “Your Honor, I’d like to strike the next question.”
Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined that body of Mr. Huntington at St. Mary’s Hospital?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 5:30 P.M.
Q: And Mr. Huntington was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No, you idiot, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was performing an autopsy on him! 😱😁😎
Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a WONDERFUL
WEDNESDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!
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Quotes of the Day
God help me, I’ve entered the Age of Skirted Swimwear. This
is the age right after Accessorizing with Reading Glasses
and a few years before Can’t Name Anyone on the Radio.
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Applicants for jobs at the company where my friend Diana
works are asked to fill out a questionnaire. Among the
things candidates list is their high school and when they
attended. One prospective employee dutifully wrote the name
of his high school, followed by the dates attended: Monday,
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.
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According to a new medical study, it’s healthy for a wife to
get angry at her husband than to keep it all inside which can
lead to disease. So guys when the wife runs you over with the
SUV, she’s just trying to live a healthier lifestyle.”
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Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes….
A preacher of the old school was describing the events of Judgement Day
and, of course, he used Biblical phraseology whenever he could. “Oh, my friends,”
he intoned, “imagine the suffering of the sinners as they find themselves cast into
the outer darkness, removed from the presence of the Lord and given to eternal flames.
My friends, at such a time there will be weeping, wailing and a great gnashing of teeth!”
At this point, one of the elders of the congregation interrupted to say, “But Reverend,
what if one of those hopeless sinners has no teeth?” The preacher crashed his fist on
the pulpit, “My friends, the Lord is not put out by details. Rest assured… teeth will be provided!” 😁
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Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“You promised my daddy you wouldn’t take me far off.” “Darlin’, you’re goin’ to have to decide if you’re my wife or his daughter.”
Answer: Coal Miner’s Daughter
In this scene Doolittle “Doo” Lynn (Tommy Lee Jones) proposes moving his new bride Loretta (Sissy Spacek) from near her home in Butcher Hollow (a.k.a. Butcher Holler), Kentucky to the state of Washington. Loretta objects with the first line and Doo replies with the second. Both Sissy Spacek and Beverly D’Angelo (she plays county singer Patsy Cline) do all their own singing in this movie. In the 1981 Academy Awards, Sissy Spacek won the Oscar for Best Actress in a Leading Role. “Coal Miner’s Daughter” was nominated for Best Picture, but lost to “Ordinary People.”
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“I want my mommy!” “I’m all you got.”
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Tuesday’s Quizzler is….
Each sentence below contains a word that can be anagrammed to answer or describe the sentence.
Example: Craft that might tip in the ocean. Answer: Canoe (Anagram of ocean)
1. Bit of brush
2. Opposite of unite
3. Writings of a steno
4. They affix without paste
5. Having less reason for fears
6. Animal that may need a shoer
Excerpted from an old Reader’s Digest
Answer: 1. Shrub
2. Untie
3. Notes
4. Tapes
5. Safer
6. Horse
Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….
An old fellow is driving home. It’s late at night. He’s travelling along the highway, and he’s some considerable distance from home. Suddenly, he feels himself having a heart attack. He says, “Oh my God. It’s the big one.” Thinking quickly, he takes the first available exit.
As luck would have it, he winds up in a residential neighborhood. It’s very late at night. He pulls over to the side of the road behind some parked cars. He’s fading fast, but he has the presence of mind to pull out his cell phone and call 911.
He says to the dispatcher, “I need help. I’m having a heart attack.” She says, “Where are you?”
And the rest of the conversation goes something like this:
He: “I don’t know where I am.”
She: “What exit did you take?”
He: “I don’t remember.”
She: “Were you going north or south or east?”
He: “I don’t remember.”
She: “Can you tell me what street you’re on?”
He: “I’m in the middle of the block. I’m parked behind some cars. I didn’t see any street signs.”
She: “Start blowing the horn. Someone will come out of the house.”
No one comes out.
She then asks him to do one more thing. Minutes later, an ambulance is on its way there and saves his life.
What did she ask him to do?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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