Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 4, 2020

The Laws of Golf……….
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.


LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.


LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.


LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant “You looked up,” or invoke the wrath of the universe.


LAW 6: The higher a golfer’s handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.

LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.


LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.

LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.

LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn’t, how do you explain the way it works against you?


LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.

LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent — or some similar combination.

LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.


LAW 14: Golf balls from the same “sleeve” tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law three).

LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.

LAW 16: “Nice lag” can usually be translated to “lousy putt.” Similarly, “tough break” can usually be translated “way to miss an easy one, sucker.”


 Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT
WEEKEND people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!  

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y  
Steven Wright on dogs… 
The other day, I was walking my dog around my building…on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

I had a dog once. I spilled spot remover on him, and now he’s gone.

I put contact lenses in my dog’s eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.

I bought a dog the other day… I named him Stay. It’s fun to call him… “Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!” He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. He’s an East German Shepherd.  

  

G u a r a n t e e d   t o   R o l l  Y o u r   E y e sAn archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy, a rather rare occurrence in Israel, to say the least. After examining it, he called the curator of the Israel museum in Jerusalem.”I’ve just discovered a 3,000-year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!” the excited scientist exclaimed. To which the curator replied, “Bring him in. We’ll check it out.” A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. “You wereright about both the mummy’s age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?” “Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, ‘10,000 Shekels on Goliath.'” 😳 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”  “I don’t know about this beaming stuff. Is it safe?”  “Oh yes, sir. Snotty beamed me twice last night. It was wonderful.”

Answer:  SpaceballsIn this scene Commanderette Zircon (Leslie Bevis) has just asked President Skroob “Shall I have Snotty beam you down, sir?” He is apprehensive and asks the question in the first line. She replies with the second line. George Lucas (the “Star Wars” director) was a big fan of Brooks’ previous films and his company (Industrial Light and Magic) constructed the light sabers for “Spaceballs.” A recurring line from this movie is “May the Schwartz be with you,” which is a parody of the “Star Wars” line “The Force will be with you, always.” Mel Brooks not only directed this movie and co-wrote the screenplay for it but he also acted in it as both President Skroob and Yoghurt. 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????“Just tell me how much he owes and I’ll pay you back.”  “So far, it’s about 1.3 million dollars.”

Thursday’s Quizzler is….​The following are anagrams of countries. Can you decipher all of them?
1. Glib Emu2. Neat Grain3. Age Lens4. Dark Men5. Serial
Answer:  1. Belgium2. Argentina3. Senegal4. Denmark5. Israel

Friday’s Quizzler is…….You can find me on a face;Frequently I’m in a vase.I’m precise by definition,Yet to one man I am different.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:http://www.slampi.org, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com.CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.

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