Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 11, 2020

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED………

Men Are Just Happier People– Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroombecause this one is just too icky. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks and engines. A ten-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You canplay with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom ofchoice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.
Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it.  Hey I’m just saying. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREATWEEKEND people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!  

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y  
“In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock.”- Thomas Jefferson

“Chess is as elaborate a waste of human intelligence as you can find outside an advertising agency.”- Raymond Chandler

“Reading is to the mind what exerciseis to the body.” – Sir Richard Steele

“I never went to the prom, which was probably for the best because the only person who asked me to go was the janitor.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“Country music resonates with Scottish people gettingdrunk, getting your heart broken, and getting drunk again.” -Craig Ferguson

“Subway sandwich shops are testing out several upscale restaurants called Subway Cafes. They feature wood paneling, lounge seating, and other things to distractyou from the tuna fish being served with an ice-cream scoop.” -Jimmy Fallon                             

G u a r a n t e e d   t o   R o l l  Y o u r   E y e sA man goes to the doctor with a swollen foot. After a careful examination, the doctor gives theman a pill big enough to choke a horse. “I’ll be right back with some water,” the doctor tells him. The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience. He hobbles out to the drinkingfountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat.He hobbles back into the examining room. Just then the doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water. “Ok, after the tablet dissolves, soak that foot for about 20 minutes.” 😱😳😁😎

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? ”  “And the answer to your question is, yes – if you fight for me, you get to kill the English.” “Excellent!” 

Answer: BraveheartIn the events leading up to this scene, William Wallace (Mel Gibson) attempts to unite all the individual fighting groups in 13th-century Scotland into one big army in its battle to overthrow English rule. In this scene, Wallace is trying to persuade Irish fighter Stephen (David O’Hara) to join his army and answers his question with line one. Stephen is satisfied with his answer and replies with line two. This movie tells the mostly true story of Wallace (although documentation about the details is sketchy, at best). In the 1996 Academy Awards “Braveheart” won five Oscars, including Best Picture and Mel Gibson for Best Director and was nominated for five more. One significant deviation from history is that the Battle of Stirling Bridge was shown in the movie as being fought on an open plain. In actuality, a narrow bridge separated the English and Scottish forces. The Scottish waited to attack until the English were only partially across, and the bridge was too narrow for the rest of the English to rapidly cross once the fighting started. When asked by a local why the battle was filmed on an open plain, Mel Gibson answered, “The bridge got in the way.” “Aye,” the local responded, “That’s what the English found.”   

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????“Well, the DA defines murder as one human killing another, so, technically, you can’t commit murder, can you?””Does this make us friends?”

Thursday’s Quizzler is….​You are given five words and five definitions. Each of the words can be anagrammed into a two word phrase that fits one of the definitions. Your task is to assign each definition to its corresponding word.Example – cobalt: to hit a feline in a high arc (cat lob)
Words: coriander, editorial, marsupial, tributary, wolverine
Definitions:a person who enjoys a fermented beveragea restaurant for killer whalesa true moroncougar densred, as related to gemstones

Answer:  coriander: a restaurant for killer whales (orca diner)editorial: a true moron (real idiot)marsupial: cougar dens (puma lairs)tributary: red, as related to gemstones (ruby trait)wolverine: a person who enjoys a fermented beverage (wine lover)

Friday’s Quizzler is…….Two old friends, Fred and Ted, had managed to work a party piece that no one could figure out. Fred would go out of the room, and Ted would invite the guests to select an item. They were then asked to continue to think of it so that Fred could read their minds. Fred would be blindfolded so that there could be no possibility of visual clues. Ted would then start to ask Fred questions:
On one occasion Ted asked:”Did we think of the word sock?””Absolutely not.” replied Fred.”Well, was it an ashtray?””No.””OK, is it the word plate?”Again the answer was negative.”So, are we thinking of the word china?””No.” replied Fred.”Are we thinking of the word carpet?””No,” replied Fred, ” the word you are thinking of is chair.”
Everyone gasped. He was right.
How did Fred and Ted work their party piece?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:http://www.slampi.org, https://elisabethluxe.com, http://www.themuscleministry.com.CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.

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